I’m a firm believer that mentoring has the potential to positively impact one’s career.

I’ve benefitted from countless people who have helped me along the way, but I have never had a formal mentor.  I think the reason for this is that most of my career happened when mentoring wasn’t really a corporate focus.  The focus used to be that you should work as hard as possible and maybe, just maybe, someone higher up would notice and take you under their wing.

Luckily, today many corporations are investing significant time, money, and resources to offer formal mentoring to employees.  Research shows that 70% of the Fortune 500 offer mentoring programs and I have no doubt that the reason they do this is that they believe they work or certainly hope that they will.

A successful mentoring relationship takes work on the part of both the mentor and the mentee, but without a doubt, most of the work belongs to the mentee.  Why?  Mentors are in high demand and their time is valuable.  They can’t read your mind or do the work of developing your career for you; their job is to provide advice, share helpful information, introduce you to others, and advocate for you.

Here are some ways that you can be an outstanding mentee and get the most out of this important relationship:

1. Understand why you need a mentor

Take a step back and consider what it is that you’re experiencing and how a mentor can help you.  This step is probably the most important and difficult step you can take in having a great mentoring experience because it helps you select a mentor who can help you grow in an area in which you need help.  This step requires that you understand what you want (not always easy to do), where you’re falling short either in inexperience or expertise and what you’re willing to do to get what you want.

2. Pick Your Mentor & Prepare for a Discussion

It takes courage to ask someone to be your mentor, but don’t let this first encounter with a potential mentor be a time to show that you didn’t prepare.  Because you’ve done your homework and thought about what you need from mentoring, you’re well on your way to talking to a potential mentor.  You can demonstrate that this potential relationship matters to you, and you’ve thought about why.  You want to set the tone from the beginning that you have a strategic purpose for this important relationship.

For example, let’s say that you’ve been working for five years.  You want to become a manager, but you don’t know how to take this next step in your career.  Susan is a colleague who is an outstanding manager, and you feel that she can offer you some advice on how to make this important move in your career.  Imagine being Susan and hearing something like this:

Susan, I’ve been working here for five years and have enjoyed all that I’ve done and learned along the way.  I’ve been thinking about my career goals, and I believe the next logical step is for me to become a manager.  As I think about the managers I most aspire to be like, I thought first of you.  You are highly respected, get great results from the team, and seem to enjoy your work.  I am wondering if you would be willing to spend some time mentoring me so that I understand more about what it takes to be a great manager.  Would you be willing to meet with me monthly to address my specific questions and provide advice?

3.  Don’t waste your mentor’s time

Mentoring meetings shouldn’t be casual coffees or encounters but instead should have a purpose that can, of course, be combined with friendly conversation.  One way to make the most of the meeting is to create an agenda for each meeting.  This once again requires that you really think about what it is that you want to get out of the mentoring meeting.

Building on the example I used above with Susan, perhaps the first meeting could be designed to help her get to know you and vice versa.  You could share your work history and performance feedback and get a feel for each other’s personalities.  Make a list of some specific questions you have for Susan relative to her career path.  You could ask her what she feels has worked well with other mentees and then follow a similar process for yours.

Each time you meet, have some specific topics and questions to ask or don’t meet with him or her.  Their time is valuable, and you want to use it well.

4.  Don’t Forget That This is a Professional Relationship

There’s nothing worse than meeting with a mentee who complains, gossips, or seems to want you to fix their problems.  This is a professional relationship, and you must treat it as such.  Be prompt, ask questions, listen carefully, keep your commitments, and never betray your mentor’s trust.

5.  Don’t Pretend You’re Someone You’re Not

I wouldn’t have written a book about authenticity if I didn’t think it was important.  Do your best to show up at your mentoring meetings in a way that reflects your personal and professional values.  For example, if you don’t agree with something your mentor says, don’t say that you do.  You can, instead, ask for clarification.  Don’t try to sound like someone you’re not; it’s important to just be yourself.

6.  Express Appreciation

Your mentor agreed to be your mentor because he/she feels that they can help you.  Accept their feedback, keep your commitments and always say “thank you”.  Also, listen for opportunities for you to help them in some way.

Years ago, I was mentoring a young woman who had wonderful experience in an area that was lacking in my department.  I often asked her questions and was always impressed with her thoughtful insights and responses.  I ultimately hired her for a position in my department and she’s gone on to be a tremendous success.  This isn’t an uncommon outcome.

I hope that this blog helped you as you consider being mentored.  I also always recommend the book One Minute Mentoring by Ken Blanchard because it provides some terrific information on how to find and work with a mentor.