fear

I’m going to start this blog with the end in mind (thank you Dr. Covey!).

You absolutely, unequivocally deserve good things in your life and in your “job”.  Yes, I’m talking to you, every one of you.

Does this sound familiar?  You’re excited about the possibility of something great happening (better job, new relationship, fun event, etc.), but for some reason you feel guilty about it.  You may hear a dialogue in your head that says, “who am I to think that I deserve a better job when the one I have is perfectly fine?”  Or “who am I to want anything more than what I already have?  Shouldn’t I just be grateful and content with what I have?”

A while back I was talking with someone about nagging thoughts, which he called “gremlins”.  I recall the 1984 movie “Gremlins” and he was spot on.  At first the thoughts are kind of benign, but when they don’t get their way, they become much more aggressive until they are able to claim victory.  What does that look like?  We tell ourselves things such as the following:

• I was never going to get that job anyway
• I’m not as qualified as the other applicants
• I really shouldn’t be thinking about going anywhere right now
• It’s an awful time to do (fill in the blank)
• Back when I was a kid, I did this terrible thing and I don’t deserve anything good in my life again

There are many reasons that we do the things that we do, but sometimes when we don’t do the things we want to do, it’s because of FEAR.  Let’s look the statements above through the lens of fear.  Here is what the statements would sound like:

• I’m afraid that I won’t get the job
• I’m afraid that I’ll be humiliated if I don’t do well in the interview
• I’m afraid of trying something new
• I’m afraid that my life will change in ways that I’m not able to deal with
• I’m afraid that I will fail at one more thing

Looking at the fear statements above, here is how we might talk to push the fear gremlins away when they surface:

Instead of “I’m afraid that I won’t get the job”, how about “it’s not the end of the world if I don’t get the job – I’m going for it!”

Instead of “’I’m afraid that I’ll be humiliated if I don’t do well in the interview”, how about “I’m going to prepare for the interview and do my best.  If they don’t like my answers, it means that I’m not in the right place and it’s better to know that before taking the job.”

Instead of “I’m afraid of trying something new”, how about “If I’m going to keep learning, I need to keep trying new things.  I don’t “have” to do anything I don’t want to do.”

Instead of “I’m afraid that my life will change in ways that I’m not able to deal with”, how about “I am in control of my decisions.  If I decide this isn’t good for me, I’m not going to do it.”

Instead of “I’m afraid that I will fail at one more thing”, how about “Everybody fails at something.  I’ll never know if I can do this if I don’t try.  Years from now I won’t regret trying and possibly failing, I will regret not trying at all.”

Whatever decisions you make in your life, I truly hope that they’re not based in fear or feeling that you don’t deserve good things in your life.  You do.  You absolutely do my friend.  Be well.