I had a great time speaking with Gina B and Mama D. I really appreciate that they read the book and asked great questions. It’s a long discussion but filled with deep insights and lots of laughter.
Listen to more of The Fox Den with Gina B and Mama D here: https://anchor.fm/gina-bengtson/episodes/The-Fox-Den-with-Vicki-Znavor-e10e079
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/GinaBtheParaFox
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC61vfDlHH9_JsyVhjk6jN-g
Here are the two questions to consider when things aren’t going as well as you’d like:
What do I want?
When things aren’t going well in some aspect of your life and work, ask yourself “what do I want?” As an example, let’s assume that you don’t feel appreciated at work and you feel stuck. It helps to vent, but what do you really want?
When you ask yourself what you want, maybe your answer would sound like this: I want a chance to move up, but I don’t know what’s possible. If I can’t move up here, I’m going to find a job where I’m doing work that’s more challenging and I’m getting paid what I’m worth.
Once you know what you want, you can put a plan together to move forward. In this case, it would be helpful to discuss how you’re doing with your manager. Assuming your performance is good, ask your manager what it would take to gain more responsibility and/or compensation. Of course, once you know what you need to do, then it’s a matter of taking the necessary steps.
In situations where someone has hurt or negatively impacted you or you’ve hurt someone else, ask “what would make it right?”
I’m surprised that sometimes we focus so intently on the conflict itself that we don’t focus on resolving the conflict.
Once you can discuss what it’ll take to make something better, you can agree upon some steps that you can take to improve the situation.
I hope you’ll consider these questions. My book has tools to help you resolve conflict and to speak up for what’s important.
Once you know what you want, my hope is that you’ll make a plan and go for it – at your own pace and on your own terms. Be well.
I’m going to start this blog with the end in mind (thank you Dr. Covey!).
You absolutely, unequivocally deserve good things in your life and in your “job”. Yes, I’m talking to you, every one of you.
Does this sound familiar? You’re excited about the possibility of something great happening (better job, new relationship, fun event, etc.), but for some reason you feel guilty about it. You may hear a dialogue in your head that says, “who am I to think that I deserve a better job when the one I have is perfectly fine?” Or “who am I to want anything more than what I already have? Shouldn’t I just be grateful and content with what I have?”
A while back I was talking with someone about nagging thoughts, which he called “gremlins”. I recall the 1984 movie “Gremlins” and he was spot on. At first the thoughts are kind of benign, but when they don’t get their way, they become much more aggressive until they are able to claim victory. What does that look like? We tell ourselves things such as the following:
There are many reasons that we do the things that we do, but sometimes when we don’t do the things we want to do, it’s because of FEAR. Let’s look the statements above through the lens of fear. Here is what the statements would sound like:
Looking at the fear statements above, here is how we might talk to push the fear gremlins away when they surface:
Instead of “I’m afraid that I won’t get the job”, how about “it’s not the end of the world if I don’t get the job – I’m going for it!”
Instead of “’I’m afraid that I’ll be humiliated if I don’t do well in the interview”, how about “I’m going to prepare for the interview and do my best. If they don’t like my answers, it means that I’m not in the right place and it’s better to know that before taking the job.”
Instead of “I’m afraid of trying something new”, how about “If I’m going to keep learning, I need to keep trying new things. I don’t “have” to do anything I don’t want to do.”
Instead of “I’m afraid that my life will change in ways that I’m not able to deal with”, how about “I am in control of my decisions. If I decide this isn’t good for me, I’m not going to do it.”
Instead of “I’m afraid that I will fail at one more thing”, how about “Everybody fails at something. I’ll never know if I can do this if I don’t try. Years from now I won’t regret trying and possibly failing, I will regret not trying at all.”
Whatever decisions you make in your life, I truly hope that they’re not based in fear or feeling that you don’t deserve good things in your life. You do. You absolutely do my friend. Be well.
So excited to join Kim Justus live on her wonderful show on 4/21 at 9pm central time. Kim’s book “In a Flash: Miracles Here and Beyond” is a powerful story. Come back here to listen on Wednesday, April 21st. Click here to listen live: https://www.blogtalkradio.com/braininjuryradio/2021/04/22/path-to-owning-your-life-story-on-recovery-now-with-kim-justus
I really enjoyed meeting and talking with Ed Cohen. Ed’s questions were thought-provoking and the conversation was great fun. His other interviews are terrific and really informative.
To learn more about Ed please check out his links below.
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/edwinbcohen/
Listen to more of his Podcasts here: https://crossculture2go.com/eds-global-tv-talkshow/
Last week I was a guest on The Bright Side with Ben Fuchs. Ben asked great questions about knowing our stories and finding our purpose. Take a listen here.
You can learn more about Ben by visiting his site here: http://brightsideben.com/
Listen to more of his podcasts here: https://tunein.com/podcasts/Health/Bright-Side-Podcast-p325318/
Yesterday’s quote “Please know that you are good enough to do all that you truly want to do” is a gentle reminder that we all DESERVE to have dreams and when we believe they’re possible, they can come true.
Whenever I’ve said this to others, I’ve often heard things such as “I really need to remember this.” Yes, you do. But what made you forget it in the first place? I know that one reason is that life gets busy, and demands are placed on us – you know, things like rent, groceries, tuition and responsibilities at work, etc. All these things pile up and before you know it, dreams are just that. Dreams.
At some point, our dreams can start to feel unattainable. Maybe someone tells us that we’re not capable of achieving our dream, or they shame us into feeling that it’s selfish to have that dream in the first place. Or they encourage us to pursue other dreams, some of which may even be more lucrative. Slowly but surely, dreams fade and we start working hard to convince ourselves that everything is “fine”, and it was a silly dream anyway.
Without a doubt, sometimes we outgrow our dreams and they’re replaced by new, more exciting dreams. I love it when that happens because when someone describes their new dream with genuine joy, their face shows it. And guess what, they believe that they deserve to dream and that it’s possible for the dream to come true.
The opposite of this is when we give up on dreams that mean something to us. This happens either because we feel that we don’t deserve to have the dream, or someone convinces us that we don’t.
Let’s dive a little deeper into the possibility that you don’t feel you deserve to have the dream. If this is how you feel, it’s important to understand why. I only get about 500 words in this blog so I can’t dig deep on every possibility, but I will ask that you ask yourself if you feel this way because of some of the following reasons:
Life is complex and there are many reasons behind the decisions we make. One approach that’s worked for me is that if I had a dream and I knew pursuing it would be disruptive to the lives of the people I love, I considered if I could still make my dream happen but at a slower pace. In my book I talk at length about going to night school for fifteen years to get my undergrad degree. I did that because I was married and had a family that I needed to support so I kept the dream alive in a way that worked for my family. Let me tell you, it was a very slow process, but I have zero regrets about that.
As I close out this week’s blog, I ask you to ask yourself if you’ve given up on a dream that you still hold deeply in your heart. If so, what’s getting in the way of bringing it to life? Is it possible that you’re not living your purpose because this dream hasn’t been realized? What will it take to make it come true? What’s one step that you can take to get back on track?
The only person who must believe the following line is YOU. You ARE GOOD ENOUGH to make your dreams come true. All you have to do is decide that you will.
Big hug,
Vicki
I love this quote because it reminds me to consider both failure AND success. For some reason humans tend to squash their dreams because they want to do everything possible to avoid failing. Do you have a dream that you’ve been holding onto, but you keep letting it go because you’re afraid you’ll fail? Why does fear of failing carry more weight than taking steps toward your dream?
Fear is a real dream-killer isn’t it? One day we’re energized about a dream and before you know it all our doubts start creeping into our thoughts. Then our friends and family, while good-intentioned, also add to the list of the ways we can fail and before you know it the dream is a distant memory.
In my book I talk about fear. One perspective about fear is that it is “Fantasized Experiences Appearing Real.” And fear never sounds like fear in our minds; it can sound like prudence and we’ve been taught that it’s good to be prudent! Anyway, do the below statements sound familiar to you?
It’s good to be cautious, but not so cautious that you become paralyzed. So, what can you do about it? How about this? Create a list of things you’d need to do to realize your dream. Break the steps down into small steps forward.
For example, let’s say that you know your job isn’t fulfilling but you’ve talked yourself out of looking for a new job because you don’t believe you’re qualified for anything else. Make a list of your key skills. Take a week to do it if that feels good for you.
Next, list the kinds of jobs that you feel you could do. Take another week to put this together if that feels right. Now look at some job postings to see if you have the skills or not. If you have most of the skills, go ahead and apply for the job! You don’t have to take it and interviewing is good practice. Those steps alone will help you gain confidence and/or highlight any skill gaps you may have. This is progress and a whole lot better than just giving in to “I’m not qualified to do anything else.” If you have skill gaps, identify them and then take small steps towards overcoming them.
If you catch yourself giving up on your dreams because you’re afraid of failing, do yourself a favor and repeat Erin’s inspirational quote: What if I fall?” Oh, but my darling, “what if you fly?”
Never give up on your dreams my friend. Big hug to you.
I posted a video yesterday that includes a quote from Emily McDowell that I love so much that I included it in my book. The basic message is that your true self is always with you, but with social conditioning, others’ opinions or the demands of daily life, we often lose sight of our authentic self.
I am a firm believer that the universe is always nudging us towards our purpose. You might be wondering how these nudges show up, so I thought I’d share a few stories with you.
There was a time years ago that I felt completely drained. I wasn’t trying to live up to my purpose; I was just trying to take care of my kids, do a good job at work and be a good wife. I was so far down on my list of “things to do” that I didn’t even realize that I was lost. Does this sound familiar?
Anyway, I was in my car and I started sobbing – I mean sobbing so hard that I could barely see the road. I don’t remember if it was a song that came on the radio or what, but I suddenly realized with great clarity that my life had become so programmed that I had ceased to exist as a person. I had become robot-like; I was very efficient but so very empty. The emotion I felt in the car that day was intense. I knew that I needed to make some importance changes. That “nudge” changed me in a powerful way.
Nudges can also be positive. Years ago, I received a voicemail out of the blue about a job that I had always dreamed about. A woman I had never met was retiring and had heard nice things about me. Her voicemail simply said, “it wouldn’t hurt to come and have coffee with me would it?” I did and I got the job of my dreams.
There have been other ways that I’ve been nudged. Do any of the following nudges sound familiar to you?
Those nudges are reminders to stop and take stock of who you are and what matters most. In my book I share that looking in a mirror, really taking in your reflection and allowing yourself to feel if you’re living your purpose can be a powerful step to take.
Friends, we all lose our way from time to time. When we get better at listening to the nudges and getting back on track, fulfilling our purpose is not only possible it’s the only acceptable choice.
I hope that my book helps!
