If It’s Not Working, Fix It
Yesterday I shared this quote by Giovanni Dienstmann: “You can never change what you’re unaware of.” It’s true.
I’ve seen this truth come to life most often in my coaching work. My clients are exceptional, hard-working professionals who strive to do their best in all they do. As is true for most people, they are often surprised and disappointed by feedback that suggests that they aren’t making the impact they want to make despite having the very best of intentions.
You see, we all have blind spots. Despite our best intentions, people can experience us differently than we intend. Unexpected feedback can make us feel vulnerable and afraid. When that happens, sometimes we create stories in our minds that are much worse than intended by the feedback. The instinct can be to label the person who provided feedback as someone who “doesn’t like me” and whose feedback thus shouldn’t be taken seriously. I’ve always thought that there is some truth in all feedback. When you receive it, step back from it for a while and consider if there’s any truth at all in what you’ve heard. For example, maybe you’re someone who works hard to achieve results, but other people experience you as being harsh and controlling. In this situation, it would help to consider how this behavior is impacting your team and/or colleagues.
If you’re a parent, your intention may be to protect your children, so you step into situations and take over when they’re hoping to manage the matter themselves. Maybe hearing that they need you to step back a bit so they can learn and develop would help you parent more effectively. I know I learned this lesson from my daughters without a doubt. Feedback is a gift. Seeing yourself as others see you helps you to understand where you may be falling short of your intentions. With that awareness, you get to decide if you want to make a change or not.
I’m grateful for the many times in my life when people were brave enough, to be honest with me. I absolutely didn’t always like it, but those conversations helped me in countless ways. I know the same is true for you if you’re open to receiving the gift.
Have you received feedback that’s helped you grow after you stepped back and considered whether it was true? I’d love to hear your story!
Thank you so much for reading this blog. I really appreciate you being here. For those who celebrate, I wish you a very happy Thanksgiving. I’m so grateful for my clients and readers.