Tools

January 4 2022

I See You and I’m Here For You

Vicki Z Authenticity Reawakened, career, coaching, Course, Tools 0

I love helping my clients to bring more of themselves to work, resolve conflict and identify their purpose. The last year has been incredibly fulfilling to me as a leadership coach because I’ve watched some young women push through their fear and speak up for what they want and deserve. They’re amazing.

Lately, I’ve been working on identifying an avatar that represents my ideal coaching client. I named her Dierdre. I’m curious if this person sounds like you:

Dierdre is 40 years old.
She’s a director at a financial services firm.
She has a BS and an MBA.
She’s married with two children.
She lives in a nice suburb of Chicago.
She is always on the go, whether it’s to get her kids ready for school, attend meetings during the day, plan a great family party or lead a key project for her organization.
She says “yes” a lot and because she’s such a professional, she gets asked to do many things.
She’s exhausted.
She is also taken advantage of because she doesn’t realize her worth.
She’s worked at the same firm for 5 years. She has been promoted a few times, but it seems that now there’s no mention of the next step.
She is a strong performer.
She has a team of people who respect her, but they’re also concerned about her.
She’s not good at delegating because most people can’t do things as well as she can do them.
She wants to trust her people more, but she’s got so much responsibility that it’s easier to just do it herself than to wait for others to catch up.
She feels stuck at her current level and wonders why her contributions aren’t being recognized to the degree they should be.
She’s starting to think the only reason she’s not being promoted is that she is being discriminated against, but it’s possible she’s not being promoted because she’s not delegating more and is focused on tactics rather than higher-level strategic work.
Her mind is racing all the time and she often feels like she’ll never get everything done.
She works all day but then goes home where she makes sure everyone is fed, that homework is done, and that everything is set up for the following day.
When the kids are asleep, she grabs something sweet to eat and then does a load of laundry, answers any lingering work emails, and watches Netflix for thirty minutes or so.
Her husband fell asleep before she did; he’s tired too.
She heads to bed later than she should but feels satisfied that somehow she managed to get the most pressing things done.
She fails to see that she hasn’t done anything for herself; she’s too far down the list-maybe she’ll get a manicure on Saturday if there isn’t a school event.
She tosses and turns at night because subconsciously she is running through the list of things she must do tomorrow.
She wakes up at 6 ready to do it all again.
She doesn’t know how to ask for help or to speak up for herself and because she never seems to falter, people think she’s “fine”. She isn’t.
She’s worried that she’s losing herself but doesn’t know what to do about it.

I know Deidre well because I was a lot like her. I know what it’s like to work tirelessly and to lose yourself along the way. I wrote my book to help people like Deidre. In it I share information that I wish someone would’ve given to me. I coach clients like Deidre and do it well because I’ve been in their shoes. I know how hard they’re working and how lost they feel. I’m honored to help them as well as their organizations get to a better place.

Living your purpose can sound like a cliché, but what I’ve learned during my six decades is that it’s heartbreaking when people get to the end of their lives with a list of “could-haves, should-haves and would-haves”.

If Dierdre sounds like you, I hope you will find my work helpful. Please don’t hesitate to contact me if I can be of service to you.

November 30 2021

Yes, Work Should Be Joyful

Vicki Z Authenticity Reawakened, coaching, Motivation, Tools 0

With the holiday season upon us, I couldn’t help but be aware that everywhere I go I see the word “joy” prominently displayed. The season should be filled with joy, but I know that it isn’t true for everyone. That’s exactly how I feel about joy at work.

On average, we spend over 80,000 hours at work in our lifetime. That’s not only a lot of work, but it’s a huge chunk of our lives. So if work doesn’t bring you joy then there’s a strong chance that life isn’t joyful either. But only you can know whether this is true for you or not.

I’m a hard-core optimist and do my best to see the glass half-full rather than half-empty. But even a hard-core optimist knows when work is not fulfilling. Here are some clues that work may not be joyful:

You don’t trust your manager (huge red flag!!)
You don’t feel supported
You’re not recognized for great work
You work all day and much of the night regularly at the expense of your personal life
You feel it’s not possible to ever catch up
You toss and turn at night
You spend a lot of time documenting things because you feel that someone is out to get you
You feel nervous and edgy
You rarely have a good laugh or go home feeling great about your day

I said this several times in my book: Life is short. All of us deserve to experience joy at work and we all have an opportunity to give it to others. You don’t really need to check off the boxes above to know if you’re experiencing joy at work; you already know the answer. Now ask yourself if you deserve joy. Yes, of course you do.

So, what are some solutions? Perhaps start with talking to your manager. The intentional compassionate conflict model in my book helps you prepare for difficult conversations. If you’ve already truly tried speaking with your manager it’s time to consider moving to something else. Before you do that, take some time to identify what you want in a new role and what kind of manager would be ideal for you. This way, you can be an active participant in interviews because you’ll know what you want, who you want to work for and with whom.

Speak with your loved ones to brainstorm on possible improvements. Select a few important steps to take in the short-term and others that can be longer term. You get to decide what works best for you.

On the other hand, if you do feel joy at work, know that this is how it should be and cherish this feeling. Look for opportunities to help others feel good about work as well. It can be a genuine thank you, a shared cup of coffee or a shared laugh. If you’re a manager, you can bring joy to others by having thoughtful and honest conversations with those on your team. Letting people know you care about them means so much.

I wish you immense joy at work; it’s attainable regardless of the position you hold. Steve Jobs once said the following: “Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do.”

I will humbly add the following: And the only way to love what you do is to feel genuine joy as you do it.

Yes, we all have bad days at work, but when those days add up to months and even years, it’s time to claim the joy you deserve at work.

November 9 2021

Yes, Feedback Can Hurt

Vicki Z Authenticity Reawakened, coaching, Course, Mindfulness, Motivation, Tools 0

I’ve talked quite a bit lately about performance feedback because it’s “that time of year”, especially for managers who don’t talk to their team members until they’re absolutely forced to “complete the forms and come up with a rating”. It’s too bad that this happens, but unfortunately, it does.

Receiving feedback can hurt if it’s not completely positive. The reason for this is that most of us come to work and try to do our very best. We want to be the best at all we do. Hearing that we felt short in some regard is painful to hear even if that feedback is delivered with great care, let alone rushed as part of a “check the box” activity.

Here are a few tips to help you accept feedback in a way that helps you rather than scars you.

Know what is and isn’t feedback

If your manager says something such as “you think you’re better than everyone else” or “you’re just not engaged”, this isn’t feedback. These are judgements. If your manager says things like this to you, ask your manager to clarify what behaviors you demonstrate that are giving this impression and affecting your impact. It might sound like this: “Can you help me understand what it is that I do that gives you this impression? I’d like to better understand how to improve.” The idea here is to help understand what it is that you do so that you can assess if it’s something you wish to or can change.

If you hear “you’re great”, know that this too isn’t feedback. In this situation maybe you could say “thank you so much. If you were to select one or two specific things you appreciated about my performance, what might those be? I want to be sure to keep doing great work.”

If, on the other hand, your manager says, “you’ve missed several key deadlines this year and it’s negatively impacted all of us.” This is direct feedback that describes where you fell short. The manager should then describe what’s needed from you in the future. If that’s not shared with you, ask about it so that you know what’s expected going forward. It’s possible there’s some information that wasn’t shared with the manager that would change her opinion so share that if that’s the case.

Reflect

Reflect on the feedback you receive. Talk to a trusted friend/colleague and ask them if the feedback has some merit. Is this the first time you’ve heard this kind of feedback? Really take some time in this space; it will be time well spent and I promise it’ll sting a little less over time.

If you’re struggling to understand the feedback, go back to your manager and genuinely express what you’re trying to understand. If you agree with the feedback, then talk to your manager about the ways you’ll modify your behavior and ask for help where it’s needed. If you don’t agree then share why that’s the case using facts and data.

Yes, Feedback is a Gift

Even when we receive several positive pieces of feedback, we often decide to belabor the one piece of constructive feedback shared with us. We walk away thinking that we’ve somehow failed leaving both you and your manager feeling awful.

With over forty years of experience, I can tell you that when people allow themselves to be vulnerable enough to you to tell you what you can work on to have greater impact, think of it as a gift. Yes, it can hurt, but now you know what might be getting in the way of your success. With knowledge comes the power to change. As I look back on my career, I’m so grateful for people being honest about where I fell short because then I could do something about it. That’s true for you too.

June 15 2021

Download Now: Free Course Tools – Values & Purpose

Vicki Z Authenticity Reawakened, Course, Free, Mindfulness, Tools 0

Discover your authentic self

I’ve seen the power of these tools with my coaching clients. Once completed, they give you a deep appreciation for your story and your strength. It happens every time.

I believe that authenticity is knowing who you are, knowing what’s most important to you and then showing up in the world in a way that reflects that—-to the extent that you wish to do so.

So how do you actually know these things about yourself? If you know your pivotal life moments (those are moments that have truly shaped you) and know your values, your purpose begins to take shape.

These tools, when used with my book, will help you learn so much about yourself. My intention is to help you know you’re far stronger than you know, you’re here for a reason and your voice matters.

If you find parts of your story too painful, please seek the help of a professional.

I wish you the very best. Please stay in touch.

With love,