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Five Ways to Be More Authentic

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In my book I share one hundred ways to be authentic at the back of the book, but today I’m going to focus on just five.

First, let’s dive into in my working definition of authenticity:
Know Who You Are, Know What Matters Most to You and Show up in the world in a way that reflects that to the extent you wish to do so.

The above definition dispels the myth that being authentic means that you must tell your life story to everyone you meet or that you must be completely transparent about everything. My definition places the emphasis on YOU because it’s important that YOU know what is important to you and that you make decisions that reflect those priorities and values.
In other words, I don’t think you can be authentic even to yourself if you haven’t reflected on your life and your values. Absent a compass to guide you, others will tell you where you want to go and what should be important to you. My book helps you complete this important work.

Ok, so here are some ways to be more authentic in general:
Don’t say “yes” if you really mean “no”
I can’t tell you how many times people say yes to something they know they don’t want to do. Why? They don’t want others to feel bad or to think less of them. Try to remember that you can say no with kindness and that every time you say yes to something, you’re saying no to something else. There’s only so much time in a day. You want to be sure that you’re saying yes to your priorities.

Say you’re sorry, but only if you truly mean it
So many people (especially women!) apologize for things they don’t need to apologize for at all. Pay attention to how often you do this and remind yourself that unless you’ve done something that deserves an apology, there’s no need to apologize. If, on the other hand, you do mean to apologize, do it with heart and then let it go.

Believe that you deserve good things in life and work
Often, we have a hard time accepting good things and will sometimes even sabotage ourselves so we don’t get them. Each of us deserves good things and when they happen for you, accept them with grace.

Don’t gossip
At the heart of strong relationships is trust. If someone has shared something in confidence with you, honor the confidence they’ve placed in you. If you break other people’s confidence, they will quickly learn that you’re not to be trusted. It takes a long time to build trust, but it’s impossible to regain it if it’s lost. Besides that, gossiping seems like a waste of precious time.

Look in the Mirror from time to time
We can often fool lots of people, but it’s difficult to fool ourselves. Looking in the mirror and asking yourself if you’re living up to your values and purpose will give you the answers you need. Self-reflection is such an important aspect of authenticity because we are always on the run and it’s easy to lose ourselves in other people’s priorities. Please take time to check in with yourself so that when you’re not doing the things you should be doing, you can self-correct sooner rather than later.

I hope that you find something helpful with the above; it’s my intention to help where I can do so. Have a great week everyone and if you’ve used some of these suggestions, please let me know what you discovered!

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Make A Decision or Someone Else Will

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Anne Carson has said, “Sometimes a journey makes itself necessary.” Here’s what my mom would’ve said after reading that one: “Ain’t it the truth!”

It’s human nature to seek pleasure and avoid pain. Pain is often associated with change regardless of whether this change is part of our work or other aspects of our lives. I’ve seen countless instances in my own life and in the lives of others where we do all we can to hold onto the status quo and avoid deciding for fear that having to do so will be too disruptive.

Unfortunately, the reality is that not deciding is a decision on its own. In my book, I shared that Oprah talked about being frustrated with countless guests for not paying attention to their lives. She mentioned that not listening to our life’s whispers results in the whispers getting louder and louder until eventually something comes crashing down. This is what it’s like when we don’t own our lives and make deliberate decisions. When we step back and let someone else decide for us what we should become, what we should do, what we should wear, say, be, etc.

I’ve met with countless people over the years who have been frustrated that someone didn’t offer them a job, despite the fact they never expressed an interest. Others have stayed in a job that they clearly dislike but they don’t leave because they’re afraid to leave. Often what happens is that they don’t perform well, or they become so nervous about failing that they don’t exhibit their strengths and lose their jobs because someone else decided their fate for them.

Owning your life takes effort and courage without a doubt.

In my blog, I share a lot of information about knowing what you want. It’s so important because when you know what you want, you start trusting your own instincts about what’s possible for you and how you can go about getting it. You stop relying on others to tell you what you want or when you should leave or what you’re worth.

Owning your life takes effort and courage without a doubt. It also takes effort to tolerate other people diminishing you, squashing your dreams, and paying you less than you’re worth. I hope you put your effort into going forward and realizing the life you want to live. It’s really the only way to understand and realize your purpose.

 

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When Your Heart Speaks, Take Good Notes

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I love the following quote by Judith Campbell, “When your heart speaks, take good notes” because it’s true in every aspect of life, including work.

Before I knew how to make well-informed decisions, I made them with my heart. 

I imagine that’s what most of us do before we learn to ponder decisions using more sophisticated tools.  I’m all for thoughtful decision-making, but that doesn’t mean that one’s heart isn’t an important barometer which should be trusted.

After working for over four decades, I know that my heart steered me right far more often than it steered me wrong.  In fact, I can’t think of a single time when it led me astray.  I’ll share some examples below that I hope will help clarify what I mean.

Early in my career, I worked with an amazing group of people.  Over time, my heart told me that I should move on to something else; I had outgrown my current role.  At the time, I didn’t want to listen to my heart because it was comfortable staying put.  Eventually, I realized it was time to move on and that if they were friends, they’d always be friends.  I just recently sent a thank you to one of those colleagues – he’s been a terrific friend for forty years now.

When I had an opportunity to relocate with my job and finally get the opportunity that I felt that I had earned, my heart told me that I’d inadvertently hurt my family if I accepted the job.  Saying “no” defied logic at work, but I was happy with the decision.  I never regretted that decision.

Nothing better than having a heartfelt conversation with someone else

Over the years, whenever I spoke with people at work, I wanted to let them see a bit of my heart.  This was especially important to me as I moved up in the organization.  I hoped that I would see theirs as well.  Nothing better than having a heartfelt conversation with someone else.  Those are the chats that you cherish, aren’t they?

When I had an interaction with someone who would later become my manager that revealed that this person was rude, unprofessional, and mean-spirited, my heart told me that it was just a matter of time before this behavior showed up again.  My heart was right.  When it was clear that I wouldn’t ever be happy or fulfilled working for this person, I knew I had to plan an exit.  I wasn’t interested in engaging in a battle that I had zero chance of winning.  As soon as a chance presented itself for me to leave, I left.  My heart was absolutely right.

My friends, especially those of you who are just getting started in your careers.  Pay attention to your heart; it really does know what’s best for you.  Take note when it speaks to you; it has something important to reveal to you if you’ll listen.  Learn how to incorporate your heart into your work because it matters – just watch someone work at something that doesn’t speak to their heart and then watch someone whose heart is evident in their work.  I’ll always believe that there’s no better look than the face of someone who allows their heart to show through their work.  I hope that person is you.

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PODCAST REWIND: #240 CoronaTv with Joseph Jaffe

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Last year I loved the time I spent with Joseph Jaffe as guest #240 on his wonderful podcast on CoronaTv. Joseph is wickedly smart and engaging and he’s also an accomplished author (check out his many books on Amazon).

 

In this podcast, Joseph and I talk about the following:

0.18.52 My penmanship and how my grandfather inspired me

0.28.20 Authenticity in childhood: I talk about how challenges in my childhood enabled me to be a strong HR leader

0.32.37 We talk about the delicate dance of HR leaders who must both advocate for employees while serving corporate interests as well. And Joseph points out that the “human” in Human Resources can mean the difference between life and death.

0.41.15 “You Can’t Be Authentic if You Don’t Know Who You Are”

0.46.0 We talk about the power of our stories

0.47.0  We both got goosebumps talking about Building Your Legacy. If people say good things about you at your funeral, would they be true?

0.53.40 We discuss the masks worn at work

Thanks to Joseph Jaffe for this interview-I loved it every minute and hope you will too!

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Featured Book Review

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I want all of you to know that I read every comment, every review and I follow many of you back so that I can learn more about you and what you’re putting out into the world.

I was so touched by a review that I received this week so I’m sharing it below.  The reason it means so much to me is that it’s the outcome that I hoped I could deliver with my book.  If I can cheer someone on, give someone a path for handling challenges, or convince someone that when you know who you are and what matters most to you, it shows in all you do.  I’m convinced it is the path to a life of meaning and purpose.

Thank you to all who have read my book and write reviews!  If you haven’t had the chance to pick up a copy and/or write a review, I’d really appreciate your doing so.

Thanks to the reader who wrote this lovely review and thanks to you for reading my posts, etc.  I am so grateful for your doing so.

Written in a conversation and intimate style, the author, Vicki Znavor, nearly pops out of the pages to start cheering you on.  She is the mentor you can go to over and over for no-nonsense, fair-minded advice forged by years on the job and extensive reading and research.  (Please see the impressive list of 101 Endnotes)

Vicki has been in the arena, climbed up from an entry-level job and got to the C-suite through sheer willpower and hard work.  She has often risked her job to do the right thing and came out better for it. 

I’d like to buy this for my kids and nephews when she comes out with her audible version.  In the meantime, read this book and maybe order an extra copy – the holidays are coming and I’m sure you’ll think of someone who could benefit from her refreshing, down to earth wisdom and experience.

Thank you so much!  Big hug to you all.

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A Powerful Question: What Will Make It Right?

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As you may know by now, I spent over twenty-five years in HR. Like you, I have had countless other roles in life as well – wife, parent, friend, daughter, sister, etc. Since all these roles involve relationships with other human beings, conflict is inevitable. Of course, some relationships are filled with more conflict than others, but without a doubt conflict is part of the human experience.

Over the years, I’ve come to appreciate the power of conflict. In fact, the best-case scenario is that people disagree with each other but underneath their disagreement, they want to get to the right answer. I love collaborating with people in this way because you can feel that if you’ll just hang in there with the problem-solving effort, often asking “what will make it right?” the outcome is often better than any one person could’ve produced. In a situation like this, you can see that there’s respect for each other’s thinking and the desire to win together. I love working this way; it’s incredibly fulfilling and fun.

As great as this is, it takes confidence in yourself and your abilities to dig into work like this. When I was younger and not as confident, I thought I had to have all the answers, or my colleagues would think that I wasn’t as capable as they were. If someone suggested a different path, my first thought was “OMG, they don’t think I’m doing a good job.”  When you feel like this, often you start making up stories like “I’m going to get fired!” or “my boss hates me” or something along those lines. These stories aren’t even close to being true, yet they consume a lot of our mental energy and cause unnecessary stress.

What I know now is that when you strengthen your abilities and gain confidence, you are willing to engage in healthy debate without feeling criticized. It takes time, but it happens. It’s part of maturing as a person and professional. Good managers see this in others because they remember how insecure they were at one time.  They work to reassure their team members that any criticism or disagreement isn’t due to a lack of confidence, but is instead intended to bring out the best in that person’s abilities.

The kind of conflict that’s often not so easy to work through is when people simply can’t agree. This kind of conflict happens in all relationships at one time or another. When you peel away the layers, you see that someone was hurt, and they don’t know how to get past it. Often as the head of HR, people would come into my office, sharing all their grievances with great clarity and resolve because they had thought carefully about all the things that were wrong.

After listening to them, I’d ask one simple question: “What will make it right?”  Without fail, I’d usually see a blank stare because they’ve been focusing on what was wrong instead of what would make it right. And yet, that’s the only way to move forward differently, isn’t it?

The principle at work here is that whatever you focus on gets bigger. If you want more conflict, keep focusing on the negative aspects of the relationship. If you focus on resolving conflict, focus on what would make it right.

I’m not going to sugarcoat things here. Sometimes the best solution is to part ways, but at least you’ve thought about why that’s the best decision for you. On the other hand, sometimes you’ll realize that you’re being overly sensitive or have contributed to the problem in some way. That’s good to know because then you can change your behavior.

So, the next time you’re grappling with a problem, shift your attention to what will make it right. Listen for the answer; your heart will guide you.

If you want to know more about addressing conflict, my book “Authenticity Reawakened:  The Path To OWNING Your Life’s Story and Fulfilling Your Purpose” has a model that I call “The Intentional Compassionate Conflict Model” that walks you through and easy to follow process. I’ve seen it work countless times and I’m confident it can help you.

To get your copy or download it on your Kindle Click here

Be well!

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Listen Now: Catalyst Sale Podcast with Mike Simmons

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Loved my conversation with Mike Simmons on his Catalyst Sale podcast.  I must admit that when I heard about Mike’s podcast, I wasn’t sure how the topic of authenticity would fit, but after listening to some of his episodes I became a fan.  Mike’s podcast is terrific and I’m so glad that I was able to join him.  Together we discussed the following questions:

  • What is authenticity?
  • Why do we struggle with authenticity?
  • How often should we ask the question, “who am I?’
  • What are some good practices to get to authenticity?
  • How do we overcome the fear of being authentic in the workplace?
  • How can authenticity help us to reduce/manage conflict?
  • How do we discover purpose?

To Listen Now click here: https://catalystsale.libsyn.com/vicki-znavor

To Listen to more podcasts from Mike Simmons: https://catalystsale.libsyn.com/

I hope you’ll give the show a listen and check out some of the other episodes he’s done as well.  I know you’ll enjoy them.

 

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Everyday Peace podcast with Dr. Dravon James

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I loved speaking with Dr. Dravon James on her Everyday Peace podcast. The theme for the show is “What Are We Waiting For?” which is a terrific call to action for all of us as we pursue our purpose.

We discussed authenticity, the power of positive pivotal moments, the difficulty most of us have with identifying our values, and how shining a light on your fear often results in our knowing that they’re Fantasized Experiences Appearing Real.

We also discussed the fact that everyone (including that manager you sometimes fear) has been rejected before and there’s power in knowing this simple fact.

Lastly, we agreed that great insight can come about by saying “I wonder if….” and “I worry that….” and filling in the blanks. My book helps you do all of this and more. I hope you will listen to the show and order your copy of my book today on Amazon.

To listen to our conversation click here: https://www.unityonlineradio.org/everyday-peace/authenticity-reawakened-vicki-znavor-and-pushing-reset-button-your-life-cynthia 

To learn more about Dr. James click here:  https://www.drdravonjames.com  

Follow Dr. James on Instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/drdravonjames/

Dr. James is fantastic and I hope you’ll enjoy the show. Please leave a comment below on your favorite part of this podcast. I’d love to hear your thoughts.

Small Acts

Small Acts of Kindness Mean so Much at Work

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Yesterday I shared a post-it from Brenda Barnes at Sara Lee.  Obviously, it means a lot to me; I’ve held on to it for sixteen years.  When I came across that post-it, I took a little trip down memory lane and thought I’d share some other kind gestures that leaders made over the years that meant so much to me.

When I was eighteen, I was in a car accident.  While the accident was relatively minor, the impact (no pun intended) was costly to me in that I wasn’t insured.  I learned many lessons as a result, but one was that my employer told me not to worry about it.  The company was a small and privately held.  The owner loaned me what was to him a small amount but to me a huge amount of money to repair the cars.  I paid it all back very quickly, but his kindness was deeply appreciated because I didn’t have a lot of adults in my life that could tell me that everything would be ok.

Once while at Sara Lee, I remember a conversation where I asked an HR VP if it was difficult for him to be in a role that often required him to fire people.  His response meant so much to me.  He said, “I really care about those people and when they’re being let go, I want it to be from someone who cares.”    Those words inspired me to know that an HR person can be immensely helpful to others on what can seem like their worst day.  It’s important to treat others with deep compassion and kindness.

Another time at Sara Lee, I was one of the first moms who was allowed to work from home one day a week.  I remember holding my sleeping baby while talking to the head of HR.  My daughter woke up in the middle of the call and started to cry.  I apologized and the head of HR said, “Don’t you ever feel that you have to apologize for your baby crying.”  Those words meant so much to me because at the time working from home was unusual.  I felt so supported that day.  I’m sure he didn’t think a thing of it, but I’ll never forget that conversation.

My last Sara Lee story is that when I first started working there (1982), the payroll manager was a woman who could be both harsh and incredibly kind depending on the day.  I was pondering the amount I would contribute to my 401k.  She was patient with me for a few days but finally said the following “I don’t give a rat’s ass if you don’t make a lot of money.  Save as much as you can, and I promise you one day you will thank me.”  I’ve repeated that story more times than I can count.  If you’re not saving as much as you can in your 401k, take Mary Ellen’s words to heart.  She was right!

Ordinarily, I don’t spend a lot of time looking back, but lately, I’ve done a lot of reflecting.  Maybe it’s the changing seasons, I don’t know, but I’m really grateful for so many little moments over the years.

I’m reminded of the following quote:

Act as if what you do makes a difference.  It does.  William James

Just know that your words and actions make a difference to those in your life.  If you can make a positive difference, do it; it’s why you’re here.

Big hug to all of you; I so appreciate your being here!

MosiacLifePodcast

LISTEN NOW: Mosaic Life Podcast with Trey Kauffman episode 106

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I am incredibly honored to have joined Trey Kauffman on his wonderful Mosaic Life Podcast. Trey dug deep into the topic of authenticity and we had such a great conversation. We opened the episode by agreeing that we shouldn’t let a**holes diminish our dreams. We talked about the danger of lying to ourselves, how to forge our own path in spite of naysayers and so much more (see timestamps below).

Timestamps
00:03:40 Welcome, Vicki!
00:05:08 Don’t Let Assholes Diminish Your Dreams
00:09:37 Integrity & Authenticity
00:12:00 Authenticity in Extroversion
00:17:23 The Danger of Lying to Ourselves
00:27:35 Overcoming the Naysayers Standing in Our Path
00:31:17 Recognizing the Inflection Points in Our Lives
00:37:57 How Human Resources are Changing
00:45:28 Our Authenticity Can Change
00:50:07 Regretting Decisions We Don’t Make
00:53:25 Resources Vicki is Looking For
00:55:02 Vicki’s Life-Changing Book
00:56:49 Vicki’s Call to Action
00:57:27 Connecting with Vicki
00:57:56 Thank You, Vicki!

To listen to our discussion click here: https://www.onemosaic.life/interviews-with-leaders/106-vicki-znavor-the-danger-of-lying-to-ourselves-how-we-can-live-authentic-lives/

To learn more about Terry and his awesome podcast click here: https://www.onemosaic.life/press-guest-kit/

Also, be sure to subscribe and follow Terry’s podcast on Apple Podcasts and Spotify.

Thanks so much to all who take the time to listen my guest appearances; I hope that you enjoy doing so.  Please let me know what you think; it means so much to hear from you.

-Vicki

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