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Listen Now: Close Up Radio Spotlights Vicki Znavor of UBU

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I had the honor of speaking with Jim Masters, the award-winning TV/Radio personality, on his Closeup Radio show.

Some of the specifics we covered were the following:

  • What is leadership coaching and how does it help my clients?
  • How does reading my book or getting coaching from me help clients move forward?
  • We talk about whether people are living genuinely and what to do about it if we’re not.
  • Why does it matter if you’re fulfilled at work?

Jim is a terrific host and I really enjoyed speaking with him. I hope you’ll give the show a listen and let me know what resonates with you. Also, be sure to check out more awesome episodes of Close Radio by clicking  here 

Listen now:

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Just Because It’s Said Doesn’t Make It True

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If I told you that you were a unicorn, would you believe it? Probably not. While it’s not likely that you’ve been accused of being a unicorn, I would bet that you’ve been told you’re something else that’s also not true and ideally you won’t believe that either.  And yet we often do.

Years ago, as I was working to build my career, I was focused on doing the highest quality work possible. I am by nature a serious person as well as an introvert.  Take those two qualities and add a pressing deadline and I can seem aloof and unfriendly. Someone who doesn’t know me well might label me any number of things, but that doesn’t mean they’re true. Conversely, if we’re called something like superwoman or superstar, it’s not necessarily true either is it?

I’ll never fully understand how someone could feel entitled enough to label anyone negatively or to be bold enough to declare how someone else is feeling, but it happens.  So, what do you do when it happens to you?  Here are some tips:

  1. Ask yourself if you care what they say. If you don’t care, then let it go, no further action required.

  2. Is it true? If there’s any truth to what’s being said, it may be worth it to you to understand why you’re behaving in a certain way and whether that behavior is against your values.

  3. Decide what you should do (modify your behavior, apologize, explain, etc.) and do it.

One thing you shouldn’t do, however, is enable someone to treat you disrespectfully. I am a firm believer that people will treat you in a way that you allow. So, if someone is disrespectful, calls you names, tells you what they think you are, etc., stop them immediately. Let them know that it’s unacceptable to call you names, label you, etc.  You can do that by saying “you cannot speak to me that way”.

 

I want you to know that when you know yourself, you believe yourself more than you believe others when it comes to knowing who you are.  I know I’m not arrogant and, as a result, I couldn’t care less if someone who doesn’t know or like me calls me arrogant.  If someone tells you you’re lazy or uncaring or anything else and you know it’s not true, trust yourself to know your truth.

 

When you know who you are and what matters the most to you, you will quiet a lot of the negativity and judgment that may come your way.  Time is precious.  Don’t spend it feeling bad about yourself because someone who doesn’t care about you said something negative.  Remember, just because they say it, doesn’t make it true.

 

Take good care!

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Five Ways to Be More Authentic

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In my book I share one hundred ways to be authentic at the back of the book, but today I’m going to focus on just five.

First, let’s dive into in my working definition of authenticity:
Know Who You Are, Know What Matters Most to You and Show up in the world in a way that reflects that to the extent you wish to do so.

The above definition dispels the myth that being authentic means that you must tell your life story to everyone you meet or that you must be completely transparent about everything. My definition places the emphasis on YOU because it’s important that YOU know what is important to you and that you make decisions that reflect those priorities and values.
In other words, I don’t think you can be authentic even to yourself if you haven’t reflected on your life and your values. Absent a compass to guide you, others will tell you where you want to go and what should be important to you. My book helps you complete this important work.

Ok, so here are some ways to be more authentic in general:
Don’t say “yes” if you really mean “no”
I can’t tell you how many times people say yes to something they know they don’t want to do. Why? They don’t want others to feel bad or to think less of them. Try to remember that you can say no with kindness and that every time you say yes to something, you’re saying no to something else. There’s only so much time in a day. You want to be sure that you’re saying yes to your priorities.

Say you’re sorry, but only if you truly mean it
So many people (especially women!) apologize for things they don’t need to apologize for at all. Pay attention to how often you do this and remind yourself that unless you’ve done something that deserves an apology, there’s no need to apologize. If, on the other hand, you do mean to apologize, do it with heart and then let it go.

Believe that you deserve good things in life and work
Often, we have a hard time accepting good things and will sometimes even sabotage ourselves so we don’t get them. Each of us deserves good things and when they happen for you, accept them with grace.

Don’t gossip
At the heart of strong relationships is trust. If someone has shared something in confidence with you, honor the confidence they’ve placed in you. If you break other people’s confidence, they will quickly learn that you’re not to be trusted. It takes a long time to build trust, but it’s impossible to regain it if it’s lost. Besides that, gossiping seems like a waste of precious time.

Look in the Mirror from time to time
We can often fool lots of people, but it’s difficult to fool ourselves. Looking in the mirror and asking yourself if you’re living up to your values and purpose will give you the answers you need. Self-reflection is such an important aspect of authenticity because we are always on the run and it’s easy to lose ourselves in other people’s priorities. Please take time to check in with yourself so that when you’re not doing the things you should be doing, you can self-correct sooner rather than later.

I hope that you find something helpful with the above; it’s my intention to help where I can do so. Have a great week everyone and if you’ve used some of these suggestions, please let me know what you discovered!

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Love What You Do

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I wholeheartedly believe that to be good at anything, you must put in the work required to do so. Some must work harder than others but it is work, nonetheless. I have found that everything in my career took work. I had no experience with even ever talking to someone in a corporate role before I found myself in a corporate environment. I did not understand corporate culture or politics. I did not understand the role that shareholders played or even what role the stock market played for corporations. I knew absolutely nothing.

My ignorance aside, what I knew without a doubt was that I loved business. There was something so exciting to me about it. I knew from a very young age that I wanted to work in business. But because I knew so little about business, “working” in business meant typing. It was all that I knew existed and that was good enough for me. I just wanted to be in the mix; I did not care what I did while there. All this is to say that there was a passion for that world that existed before I knew what was possible for me in it.

“There is great possibility that we simply are not doing the work that speaks to us.”

Of course, once I got into the business, I could not get enough of it. I still cannot; I will forever be fascinated with how organizations operate.
Steve Jobs gave an inspirational speech at Stanford University years ago. This is one of my favorite quotes from that speech:
Your work is going to fill a large part of your life and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking and don’t settle. As with all matters of the heart, you’ll know when you find it.

It seems that in recent years we have found countless things wrong with organizations and their leaders. I’m not saying they’re not without fault, but I wonder if sometimes when we’re pointing out all of the problems with “them”, that we’re not asking ourselves why things aren’t working or why they’re not fulfilling us.

There is great possibility that we simply are not doing the work that speaks to us. Sometimes reaching this conclusion is painful, especially if you have spent thousands on your education or are trying to fulfill someone else’s dreams for your life. I started this blog today with the hope of conveying that everything good in life takes hard work. Relationships take work. Long relationships take an enormous amount of work.

Achieving excellence in work takes hard work over many years. If you are going to work hard and perhaps work hard for many years, shouldn’t that work be fulfilling? And if it is not fulfilling, is it possible to be exceptional at it? I do not think so, but that is not really what makes me sad. What makes me sad is that people spend a lifetime doing something they do not like only to find themselves inevitably feeling like they wasted their lives doing something that did not really matter to them. In other words, they did not live authentically. Of course, we all must do whatever it takes to put food on the table and pay our rent, but please find time to do the things that fulfill your soul. Do the work to understand what it is that you find fulfilling and then do it.

This is your life. You deserve good things.

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Their Dreams Shouldn’t Have to Be Your Dreams

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I am new to Tik Tok.  I enjoy the platform because the algorithm has figured out that I love animals so that is the content I see most.  Occasionally I see a video that’s different.  Today’s blog is about that video.

As I was scrolling along, I landed upon a distraught young woman.  She had her head in her hands and she was crying.  The bot voice (is that what I should call that??) indicated that she hated school but nonetheless had gotten through it and was relieved that it was over.  She went on to say that now her parents were pressuring her to go to law school.  While she hates the thought of doing so, she wondered whether she should go to law school.

My first thought was “why are you asking total strangers what you should do?”  Honestly, why would anyone ask their followers on Tik Tok for opinions on their life?  Next, I wondered why someone who was so obviously miserable about the thought of going to law school would think that going to law school was a promising idea.  Sure, she might do perfectly well, and then what?

I’ve seen people who pursue degrees and careers because they’re fulfilling someone else’s dreams, not their own.  I feel badly for anyone put in this position.  Sometimes well-meaning parents who didn’t pursue their own dreams create such pressure on their children to do what they couldn’t.

Most parents want what’s best for their kids, but they define “best” as being high paying.  So, people go off and become lawyers and doctors to make their families proud.  I’m sure things work out for some, but unfortunately often they don’t.  Why?  They are fulfilling someone else’s dreams, not their own.  Sigh.

I’ll end this blog with the following bits of advice:

  • Trust your own feelings when it comes to your goals
  • Don’t make life decisions based on social media followers’ advice
  • Don’t pursue degrees and careers that don’t interest you
  • Know that you deserve the ability to pursue your goals and dreams

Each of us must own our decisions in life.  Of course, you should consult with the people you love and respect most when you’re unsure of one path vs. another.  But if everything inside you is screaming “NO!!!!,” then you have your answer.  The girl in the Tik Tok video had her answer too and I hope she trusts it.

You have the answers too my friends.

Be well.

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A Lesson In Legacy (Thank You Douglas C. Volz)

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In my book, I wrote about how we’re all building our legacy even though we may not be doing so intentionally.  When our lives are over, the only thing that really will have mattered is the extent to which we changed others’ lives.  I am a firm believer that we have the power to change others’ lives in all we do, including through our work.

In my book, I share the story of Brian Floriani who, while attending the funerals of his grandmother and his father, wondered if the nice things people would say at his funeral would be true.  At that point, he honestly wasn’t sure.  As a result, he’s deliberately gone about living a life of significance since then and is building a powerful legacy without a doubt.  Read more about Brian and Bernie’s Book Bank and you will be inspired.

Today I want to share the legacy of a former colleague at Sara Lee.  Doug Volz was an SVP in HR at Sara Lee when I was in the early stages of my HR career.  Doug recently passed away and I’m heartbroken that I never had a chance to thank him for the many ways that he influenced and inspired me.  Here are a few things that Doug did that made a difference in my work:

He Made Us Feel Like We Mattered

Doug made it a point to know everyone and he sure made it seem that he enjoyed doing so.  He’d stop at your desk, ask you what’s new in your area, how you’re doing, etc. and then he’d actually listen.  I was at an entry level and wasn’t used to conversing with an executive.  Doug always made me feel like he enjoyed the conversation and appreciated my opinions.

For the first several months I was in HR, I wondered who kept leaving Tootsie Roll Pops on our desks.  I eventually learned it was Doug.  He always arrived at the office earlier than anyone else, so he walked around and left the treats without anyone seeing him do so. I know this is a small act of kindness, but he was a busy man who didn’t even work on the same floor as most of the team.  He took the time to walk around the entire floor and leave the treats and it always made me smile.   I learned from Doug that small acts of kindness go a long way.

He Handled Tough Conversations with Respect

This is probably one of the most important lessons Doug taught me.  Doug often was the person who would travel to various locations around the world to let people go.  As the corporation was undergoing massive change, there was a significant amount of these difficult conversations, to say the least.

One day I asked him how he could do this tough work without it weighing him down.  I’ll never forget his response.  He said, “If people have to be let go, I want them to be let go by someone who knows and cares about them”.   I learned that day that if HR people get to the point where they can let someone go with a canned speech without any empathy, their time in HR should end.  Doug made a difference to people in very difficult situations.  I know that it mattered that he was the one delivering the tough messages.

He Loved People

Doug was in the people business because he genuinely cared about them, and it showed.  It showed in how he greeted people, it showed in how he treated people and it showed in the decisions he made at work.

I was touched by the following lines in Doug’s obituary:

At his core, he wanted nothing more than to share a good meal and a fine glass of wine with his friends and family.  For Doug, it wasn’t just about the food, but it was about the people, the experience, and the lasting memories they created.  It is those wonderful memories that will continue to live on in those that have been blessed to have known his kind spirit.

That my friends is a beautiful legacy.  He changed my life, and it was an honor knowing him.  May he rest in peace always.  Job well done Doug!

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Yes, You’re Busy, But Are You Productive?

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Since leaving a regular, full-time role (I cannot bring myself to say “retired”), I’ve done a lot of self-reflection.  Admittedly I am a self-reflective person anyway, but lately, I’ve dug into some of the things I’ve been avoiding coming to terms with for myself.  Being busy is one of “those things”.

I’m a master at being busy; I am always busy doing something.  I love checklists and ticking off the boxes as I go through my day.  But after a lot of self-reflection, I realize that I’ve been busy doing many things, but have made little progress on the things that really matter most to me.  I can spot this issue in my clients from a mile away, but I have been avoiding acknowledging this is an issue for me too.

Now that I’m clearly aware that I’ve been avoiding doing some things that are important to me, I’ve got to understand “why” I’m avoiding these things.  I have been trying to protect my time so that I can do things just for fun.  I’m not great at fun; it’s a chore for me to just “be”.  I’ve made great strides in the last two years, but it’s still a challenge.  I know that I can protect my personal time and do the work that’s important to me so it’s time for me to increase my discipline in my scheduling and work at it every week.

Here are a few things I’m doing that will help me increase my productivity:

  • Documenting my highest priority projects for the week in my calendar.
  • Building in time during the week to complete essential tasks. I’m a morning person so I have scheduled the time during my most productive hours of the day.
  • Looking back at the week and being honest about whether I accomplished the highest priority items and assessing if I’ve missed anything.

Priorities are personal and you must define what is most important for you.  If relaxing more is a priority, then make sure you consider what that will look like for you and schedule that time for yourself.  If you’re striving to acquire some learning or you want to be a better partner, schedule that time and then assess whether you spent your time on that priority.  Be honest with yourself and if you didn’t meet your goals, then consider where you lost your way and commit to staying on track next week.

I believe we’re all trying to attend to the important things in our lives, but often we don’t because we are too “busy”.  This is what I meant by my post yesterday: “Manage Your List of Things to Do or It Will Manage You”.

My hope for you is that you will use your time and energy on the things that matter most to you and let go of some of the things that aren’t serving you well.  This is my hope for myself as well.

Hope you all have a great week!

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REWIND: Do You Know What You Want?

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Here are the two questions to consider when things aren’t going as well as you’d like:

What do I want?

When things aren’t going well in some aspect of your life and work, ask yourself “what do I want?”  As an example, let’s assume that you don’t feel appreciated at work and you feel stuck.  It helps to vent, but what do you really want?

When you ask yourself what you want, maybe your answer would sound like this:  I want a chance to move up, but I don’t know what’s possible.  If I can’t move up here, I’m going to find a job where I’m doing work that’s more challenging and I’m getting paid what I’m worth.

Once you know what you want, you can put a plan together to move forward.  In this case, it would be helpful to discuss how you’re doing with your manager.  Assuming your performance is good, ask your manager what it would take to gain more responsibility and/or compensation.   Of course, once you know what you need to do, then it’s a matter of taking the necessary steps.

In situations where someone has hurt or negatively impacted you or you’ve hurt someone else, ask “what would make it right?”

I’m surprised that sometimes we focus so intently on the conflict itself that we don’t focus on resolving the conflict.

Once you can discuss what it’ll take to make something better, you can agree upon some steps that you can take to improve the situation.

I hope you’ll consider these questions.  My book has tools to help you resolve conflict and to speak up for what’s important.

Once you know what you want, my hope is that you’ll make a plan and go for it – at your own pace and on your own terms.  Be well.

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Time to Spring Ahead

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One of the first signs of Spring in the Midwest is the process of setting our clocks an hour ahead.  My mom would always say “it’s time to spring ahead” and that’s the way I remember to skip an hour when I’m resetting the clocks.  Just as an aside, it’s also the time of year when I realize how many clocks I own.

This concept of springing ahead is a gentle reminder to do just that, not only with the clocks but with life.  Here are some questions you might consider in determining how to move forward:

  • What’s one thing I want to finish this year? Why does it matter?  Note that this can include eliminating something that no longer serves you, including other people’s opinions.
  • What are the steps I must take?
  • Who can I rely on to help me move forward?
  • How will I celebrate when I meet my goal?

Over the years I’ve seen people talk excitedly about goals and then never make any progress.  Often the reason they don’t even begin is that they become overwhelmed by all that’s needed to achieve the goal.  That’s not springing ahead; that’s staying stuck.  I’m not saying the big goals aren’t important, but often breaking the big goals into smaller, more manageable goals leads to significantly more progress over time.

How might your life change if you focused on just one of the goals below?

  • Stop allowing (you can name the person)’s opinions to crush my spirit. To do this, I need to set boundaries with them so they know that their thoughts aren’t helpful or appreciated.
  • I’m going to push myself a little harder to speak up at meetings on the topics that matter to me.
  • I’m going to take the certification exam I’ve been delaying. I will prepare for the exam and get it over with.
  • I’m going to stop speaking to myself in a way that I’d never speak to someone else.  I’m going to create some supportive thoughts I can repeat to myself and treat myself like a friend.
  • I’m going to schedule all my medical checkups and keep the appointments.
  • I’m going to apply for the job that I want.
  • I’m going to be more present in all my interactions.
  • I’m going to read at least one book a month on a topic that interests me.

Whatever it is that you want to focus on to spring you forward, make note of it and do it.  Ask for the support you need and know that people are honored to help others.

Confession:  There are at least a few things in the list above that are my “spring forward’ actions.

Hope you have a wonderful week friends!

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Leadership Isn’t a Title

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First, I want to say that as I write this blog, I’m heartbroken about what’s happening in Ukraine.  I feel so helpless.  I haven’t known what to say or do, but I am thinking about it and praying a lot. The magnitude of this situation is beyond comprehension.

One bright light in all of it is the brave leadership of President Zelenskyy.  There aren’t too many modern-day presidents who would do what he’s doing.  And the people who have committed to staying and defending their country are awe-inspiring.  I hold them all in my thoughts and prayers.

This leads me to today’s topic.  Leadership isn’t a title.  There are countless people who have titles that reflect status and all that goes with it, but they’re not leaders.  No one follows them because they’re inspired to do so.  I’ve seen several people in leadership seats who don’t deserve them.  Some got the chair too soon without having the experience needed to lead.  Others may have had some important experiences, but they lack empathy, confidence and competence.  They usually know, but won’t admit, that they aren’t true leaders, but they may be of the mind to fake it until they make it.  True leaders don’t need to fake anything.

All that aside, I’ve been incredibly impressed and inspired by people who demonstrate true leadership, yet their title and/or position in the company doesn’t reflect their leadership ability.  Let me share am example:

In my book, I wrote about a young woman named Anna.  When I first met Anna, she was in a manager-level position in a role that she studied for in school but it didn’t fulfill her.  She and I talked often, and I quickly saw that she was a true leader.  I added her to my team, and I’m overjoyed at what she’s done in a role that fulfills her and allows her leadership abilities to shine.  She will get the title and all that goes with it because it’s what she deserves.  And, more importantly, she is going to help others do the same.  People want to follow her.

What’s important about Anna is that she didn’t wait to move into a leadership role before she started acting like a leader.  She started acting like a leader first.

Sometimes acting like a leader is speaking up about something that really matters to you at a meeting.  Maybe it’s volunteering in your company’s business resource council and helping your company advance inclusion.  Maybe it’s politely disagreeing with a person in power or putting forth an idea that you know will make a difference.

Leadership isn’t a title.  You will know it when you see it and all of you have an opportunity to exhibit it in your work.  Don’t wait for someone else to be the leader you want; become the leader you want.

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