Course

July 26 2022

Leaders-Stop Name-Calling

Vicki Z Authenticity Reawakened, coaching, Course, leadership 1

Leaders-please stop name-calling. By this, I mean telling people that they’re being defensive, too assertive, lacking confidence, etc. When you call people names, you aren’t helping them succeed (this is your primary job as a leader) and you’re shutting them down. They don’t know what behavior needs attention; they just know that you don’t approve of them and they’re falling short of your expectations.

When you catch yourself name-calling, think about your intention. Are you trying to put them in their place because they’re threatening you? Are you calling a woman who is working really hard “too intense” because she’s working harder than you are willing or able to work?

Keep feedback based on behavior. Instead of “you’re too intense”, maybe something such as “when you are solely focused on getting the work done you aren’t listening to the team’s concerns which makes them feel unappreciated and unduly stressed. Here is a suggestion that might help…..

People need to feel supported at work-it’s actually what leading is all about.

If I can help you lead more effectively, please contact me.

January 4 2022

I See You and I’m Here For You

Vicki Z Authenticity Reawakened, career, coaching, Course, Tools 0

I love helping my clients to bring more of themselves to work, resolve conflict and identify their purpose. The last year has been incredibly fulfilling to me as a leadership coach because I’ve watched some young women push through their fear and speak up for what they want and deserve. They’re amazing.

Lately, I’ve been working on identifying an avatar that represents my ideal coaching client. I named her Dierdre. I’m curious if this person sounds like you:

Dierdre is 40 years old.
She’s a director at a financial services firm.
She has a BS and an MBA.
She’s married with two children.
She lives in a nice suburb of Chicago.
She is always on the go, whether it’s to get her kids ready for school, attend meetings during the day, plan a great family party or lead a key project for her organization.
She says “yes” a lot and because she’s such a professional, she gets asked to do many things.
She’s exhausted.
She is also taken advantage of because she doesn’t realize her worth.
She’s worked at the same firm for 5 years. She has been promoted a few times, but it seems that now there’s no mention of the next step.
She is a strong performer.
She has a team of people who respect her, but they’re also concerned about her.
She’s not good at delegating because most people can’t do things as well as she can do them.
She wants to trust her people more, but she’s got so much responsibility that it’s easier to just do it herself than to wait for others to catch up.
She feels stuck at her current level and wonders why her contributions aren’t being recognized to the degree they should be.
She’s starting to think the only reason she’s not being promoted is that she is being discriminated against, but it’s possible she’s not being promoted because she’s not delegating more and is focused on tactics rather than higher-level strategic work.
Her mind is racing all the time and she often feels like she’ll never get everything done.
She works all day but then goes home where she makes sure everyone is fed, that homework is done, and that everything is set up for the following day.
When the kids are asleep, she grabs something sweet to eat and then does a load of laundry, answers any lingering work emails, and watches Netflix for thirty minutes or so.
Her husband fell asleep before she did; he’s tired too.
She heads to bed later than she should but feels satisfied that somehow she managed to get the most pressing things done.
She fails to see that she hasn’t done anything for herself; she’s too far down the list-maybe she’ll get a manicure on Saturday if there isn’t a school event.
She tosses and turns at night because subconsciously she is running through the list of things she must do tomorrow.
She wakes up at 6 ready to do it all again.
She doesn’t know how to ask for help or to speak up for herself and because she never seems to falter, people think she’s “fine”. She isn’t.
She’s worried that she’s losing herself but doesn’t know what to do about it.

I know Deidre well because I was a lot like her. I know what it’s like to work tirelessly and to lose yourself along the way. I wrote my book to help people like Deidre. In it I share information that I wish someone would’ve given to me. I coach clients like Deidre and do it well because I’ve been in their shoes. I know how hard they’re working and how lost they feel. I’m honored to help them as well as their organizations get to a better place.

Living your purpose can sound like a cliché, but what I’ve learned during my six decades is that it’s heartbreaking when people get to the end of their lives with a list of “could-haves, should-haves and would-haves”.

If Dierdre sounds like you, I hope you will find my work helpful. Please don’t hesitate to contact me if I can be of service to you.

November 9 2021

Yes, Feedback Can Hurt

Vicki Z Authenticity Reawakened, coaching, Course, Mindfulness, Motivation, Tools 0

I’ve talked quite a bit lately about performance feedback because it’s “that time of year”, especially for managers who don’t talk to their team members until they’re absolutely forced to “complete the forms and come up with a rating”. It’s too bad that this happens, but unfortunately, it does.

Receiving feedback can hurt if it’s not completely positive. The reason for this is that most of us come to work and try to do our very best. We want to be the best at all we do. Hearing that we felt short in some regard is painful to hear even if that feedback is delivered with great care, let alone rushed as part of a “check the box” activity.

Here are a few tips to help you accept feedback in a way that helps you rather than scars you.

Know what is and isn’t feedback

If your manager says something such as “you think you’re better than everyone else” or “you’re just not engaged”, this isn’t feedback. These are judgements. If your manager says things like this to you, ask your manager to clarify what behaviors you demonstrate that are giving this impression and affecting your impact. It might sound like this: “Can you help me understand what it is that I do that gives you this impression? I’d like to better understand how to improve.” The idea here is to help understand what it is that you do so that you can assess if it’s something you wish to or can change.

If you hear “you’re great”, know that this too isn’t feedback. In this situation maybe you could say “thank you so much. If you were to select one or two specific things you appreciated about my performance, what might those be? I want to be sure to keep doing great work.”

If, on the other hand, your manager says, “you’ve missed several key deadlines this year and it’s negatively impacted all of us.” This is direct feedback that describes where you fell short. The manager should then describe what’s needed from you in the future. If that’s not shared with you, ask about it so that you know what’s expected going forward. It’s possible there’s some information that wasn’t shared with the manager that would change her opinion so share that if that’s the case.

Reflect

Reflect on the feedback you receive. Talk to a trusted friend/colleague and ask them if the feedback has some merit. Is this the first time you’ve heard this kind of feedback? Really take some time in this space; it will be time well spent and I promise it’ll sting a little less over time.

If you’re struggling to understand the feedback, go back to your manager and genuinely express what you’re trying to understand. If you agree with the feedback, then talk to your manager about the ways you’ll modify your behavior and ask for help where it’s needed. If you don’t agree then share why that’s the case using facts and data.

Yes, Feedback is a Gift

Even when we receive several positive pieces of feedback, we often decide to belabor the one piece of constructive feedback shared with us. We walk away thinking that we’ve somehow failed leaving both you and your manager feeling awful.

With over forty years of experience, I can tell you that when people allow themselves to be vulnerable enough to you to tell you what you can work on to have greater impact, think of it as a gift. Yes, it can hurt, but now you know what might be getting in the way of your success. With knowledge comes the power to change. As I look back on my career, I’m so grateful for people being honest about where I fell short because then I could do something about it. That’s true for you too.

November 2 2021

Prepare to Discuss Performance

Vicki Z Authenticity Reawakened, Course, Motivation 0

It’s that time of year when people are anticipating performance discussions. These discussions are so important, yet people tend to dread them and fail to properly prepare for them as well.

Performance discussions should never be:

The first time you’ve spoken about performance all year
A surprise
Linked to a specific pay curve (don’t even get me started on this one)
Given by someone who doesn’t know you or your work
One-sided

Leaders:

If you are in a leadership role, you owe it to yourself and your people to talk to about performance throughout the year. Great leaders have an ongoing dialogue about performance with their people throughout the year because they see their role as leading the team every step of the way. There’s an ongoing dialogue about performance. There’s a trusting, respectful relationship. There’s a sense that you’re in it together and you’re sharing success and failure.

If, on the other hand, you’ve waited until year-end, then you’ve fallen short of being a great leader. There may be many reasons why you’ve not talked to them throughout the year about performance, but you aren’t leading and aren’t managing performance either.

Ask yourself where you’ve lost your way. Did you ensure that the employee’s objectives were clear and achievable at the beginning of the year? Did you check in with the employee to see how things were going? Did you avoid talking about poor performance because you thought it would improve on its own? Do you feel a sense of ownership for helping the employee succeed? Is leading really for you?

Employees:

My advice to you is to prepare for all performance-related conversations. Don’t allow yourself to feel that your voice doesn’t matter. Prepare to talk about your key achievements. If you had specific metrics, talk about how you did against them. Describe ways that you went above and beyond the requirements of the job. Be prepared to describe what you want to do next and how you can help the team and/or organization succeed.

If you fell short of expectations, you must express what happened and what you need to succeed going forward.

If your manager says something that simply isn’t true and/or isn’t supported by data, you should ask for clarification and then respond accordingly.

Quick Story:

Years ago, I worked for a guy who wanted his administrative assistant to take more interest in him personally. He wanted someone to handle his dry-cleaning and personal things like that. I wasn’t hired to do that for him. In my annual review, he said that I (a) worked like a machine and (b) didn’t seem to have any interest in managing his personal affairs.

I listened to his commentary very carefully. I knew that I was doing the job I was hired to do, but obviously not the one he wanted me to do. With that in mind, I said something along the lines of “thank you for acknowledging that I work hard. I was hired to oversee the sales data and resolve issues in the field. My objectives are related to that work. Do you have any concerns with my production there? The answer was “no.”

By this point, I knew I didn’t want to work for him anymore, but it was important for me to steer him towards my performance against the actual objectives he helped create. Soon thereafter my previous manager hired me to work with him again and the guy who wanted me to oversee his personal affairs hired someone who was more willing to do that kind of work.

With the above in mind, I hope that your year-end conversations are thoughtful and geared towards enabling success and a sense of purpose no matter what your role is in the company.

June 15 2021

Download Now: Free Course Tools – Values & Purpose

Vicki Z Authenticity Reawakened, Course, Free, Mindfulness, Tools 0

Discover your authentic self

I’ve seen the power of these tools with my coaching clients. Once completed, they give you a deep appreciation for your story and your strength. It happens every time.

I believe that authenticity is knowing who you are, knowing what’s most important to you and then showing up in the world in a way that reflects that—-to the extent that you wish to do so.

So how do you actually know these things about yourself? If you know your pivotal life moments (those are moments that have truly shaped you) and know your values, your purpose begins to take shape.

These tools, when used with my book, will help you learn so much about yourself. My intention is to help you know you’re far stronger than you know, you’re here for a reason and your voice matters.

If you find parts of your story too painful, please seek the help of a professional.

I wish you the very best. Please stay in touch.

With love,