Authenticity Reawakened

March 22 2022

REWIND: Do You Know What You Want?

Vicki Z Authenticity Reawakened, Mindfulness, Motivation 0

Here are the two questions to consider when things aren’t going as well as you’d like:

What do I want?

When things aren’t going well in some aspect of your life and work, ask yourself “what do I want?” As an example, let’s assume that you don’t feel appreciated at work and you feel stuck. It helps to vent, but what do you really want?

When you ask yourself what you want, maybe your answer would sound like this: I want a chance to move up, but I don’t know what’s possible. If I can’t move up here, I’m going to find a job where I’m doing work that’s more challenging and I’m getting paid what I’m worth.

Once you know what you want, you can put a plan together to move forward. In this case, it would be helpful to discuss how you’re doing with your manager. Assuming your performance is good, ask your manager what it would take to gain more responsibility and/or compensation. Of course, once you know what you need to do, then it’s a matter of taking the necessary steps.

In situations where someone has hurt or negatively impacted you or you’ve hurt someone else, ask “what would make it right?”

I’m surprised that sometimes we focus so intently on the conflict itself that we don’t focus on resolving the conflict.

Once you can discuss what it’ll take to make something better, you can agree upon some steps that you can take to improve the situation.

I hope you’ll consider these questions. My book has tools to help you resolve conflict and to speak up for what’s important.

Once you know what you want, my hope is that you’ll make a plan and go for it – at your own pace and on your own terms. Be well.

March 8 2022

When Your Heart Speaks, Take Good Notes

Vicki Z Authenticity Reawakened, career, coaching, leadership, Motivation, MyBook 0

I love the following quote by Judith Campbell, “When your heart speaks, take good notes” because it’s true in every aspect of life, including work.

Before I knew how to make well-informed decisions, I made them with my heart.

I imagine that’s what most of us do before we learn to ponder decisions using more sophisticated tools. I’m all for thoughtful decision-making, but that doesn’t mean that one’s heart isn’t an important barometer which should be trusted.

After working for over four decades, I know that my heart steered me right far more often than it steered me wrong. In fact, I can’t think of a single time when it led me astray. I’ll share some examples below that I hope will help clarify what I mean.

Early in my career, I worked with an amazing group of people. Over time, my heart told me that I should move on to something else; I had outgrown my current role. At the time, I didn’t want to listen to my heart because it was comfortable staying put. Eventually, I realized it was time to move on and that if they were friends, they’d always be friends. I just recently sent a thank you to one of those colleagues – he’s been a terrific friend for forty years now.

When I had an opportunity to relocate with my job and finally get the opportunity that I felt that I had earned, my heart told me that I’d inadvertently hurt my family if I accepted the job. Saying “no” defied logic at work, but I was happy with the decision. I never regretted that decision.

Nothing better than having a heartfelt conversation with someone else

Over the years, whenever I spoke with people at work, I wanted to let them see a bit of my heart. This was especially important to me as I moved up in the organization. I hoped that I would see theirs as well. Nothing better than having a heartfelt conversation with someone else. Those are the chats that you cherish, aren’t they?

When I had an interaction with someone who would later become my manager that revealed that this person was rude, unprofessional, and mean-spirited, my heart told me that it was just a matter of time before this behavior showed up again. My heart was right. When it was clear that I wouldn’t ever be happy or fulfilled working for this person, I knew I had to plan an exit. I wasn’t interested in engaging in a battle that I had zero chance of winning. As soon as a chance presented itself for me to leave, I left. My heart was absolutely right.

My friends, especially those of you who are just getting started in your careers. Pay attention to your heart; it really does know what’s best for you. Take note when it speaks to you; it has something important to reveal to you if you’ll listen. Learn how to incorporate your heart into your work because it matters – just watch someone work at something that doesn’t speak to their heart and then watch someone whose heart is evident in their work. I’ll always believe that there’s no better look than the face of someone who allows their heart to show through their work. I hope that person is you.

March 1 2022

Leadership Isn’t a Title

Vicki Z Authenticity Reawakened, coaching, Mindfulness 0

First, I want to say that as I write this blog, I’m heartbroken about what’s happening in Ukraine. I feel so helpless. I haven’t known what to say or do, but I am thinking about it and praying a lot. The magnitude of this situation is beyond comprehension.

One bright light in all of it is the brave leadership of President Zelenskyy. There aren’t too many modern-day presidents who would do what he’s doing. And the people who have committed to staying and defending their country are awe-inspiring. I hold them all in my thoughts and prayers.

This leads me to today’s topic. Leadership isn’t a title. There are countless people who have titles that reflect status and all that goes with it, but they’re not leaders. No one follows them because they’re inspired to do so. I’ve seen several people in leadership seats who don’t deserve them. Some got the chair too soon without having the experience needed to lead. Others may have had some important experiences, but they lack empathy, confidence and competence. They usually know, but won’t admit, that they aren’t true leaders, but they may be of the mind to fake it until they make it. True leaders don’t need to fake anything.

All that aside, I’ve been incredibly impressed and inspired by people who demonstrate true leadership, yet their title and/or position in the company doesn’t reflect their leadership ability. Let me share am example:

In my book, I wrote about a young woman named Anna. When I first met Anna, she was in a manager-level position in a role that she studied for in school but it didn’t fulfill her. She and I talked often, and I quickly saw that she was a true leader. I added her to my team, and I’m overjoyed at what she’s done in a role that fulfills her and allows her leadership abilities to shine. She will get the title and all that goes with it because it’s what she deserves. And, more importantly, she is going to help others do the same. People want to follow her.

What’s important about Anna is that she didn’t wait to move into a leadership role before she started acting like a leader. She started acting like a leader first.

Sometimes acting like a leader is speaking up about something that really matters to you at a meeting. Maybe it’s volunteering in your company’s business resource council and helping your company advance inclusion. Maybe it’s politely disagreeing with a person in power or putting forth an idea that you know will make a difference.

Leadership isn’t a title. You will know it when you see it and all of you have an opportunity to exhibit it in your work. Don’t wait for someone else to be the leader you want; become the leader you want.

February 8 2022

PODCAST REWIND: The Fox Den with Gina B and Mama D

Vicki Z Authenticity Reawakened, career, coaching, Podcast 0

I enjoyed speaking with Gina B and Mama D on their Fox Den podcast. Their show is so entertaining and different every week.

Here are some key points in the show:

15:30 – Young people have great ideas but they need leaders to create an environment where they
feel safe to share their thoughts.

19:30 – we talk about FEAR. You have to do the work to understand what you’re afraid of. Is it possible you’re afraid of succeeding?

22:00 – Gina shares the power of getting your fear out of your head and on paper.

23:43 – Gina weighs in that “when you’re truly authentic you don’t take #rap from other people.”

24:00 – We talk about values

27:20 – I share how a class of first-graders changed my life

37:30 – we talk about becoming who we are as a result of pivotal moments

1:0:20 – Mama D shares how we all need someone to hear us

These ladies are so great and I hope you enjoy the show.

January 11 2022

Should You Stay or Should You Go?

Vicki Z Authenticity Reawakened, career, coaching, Mindfulness 0

I’ll start with the obvious. The big decisions in life are tough to make because there are usually pros and cons to them. Saying “yes” to something means saying “no” to something else.

I’ve been at the proverbial fork in the road countless times. The easiest decisions, of course, reveal many positives and few negatives. Deciding to leave a position that I’d outgrown so that I could take on a position with better pay and greater challenges were typically easy for me to make. That said, I always hated having to tell my manager that I was leaving.

When I think about my friend’s dilemma that I posted about yesterday, her situation is a tough one for her and it’s a situation that we often face at work. She isn’t sure whether she wants to stay or leave. We’ve all been there.

In my book, I share my friend Paula’s story. She didn’t feel appreciated at work, she was constantly asked to do more than was humanly possible and she consistently felt that there was no way she’d ever catch up. She couldn’t do the work that she knew mattered most, not only to her but to the organization for which she worked. She struggled making the decision to leave because she somehow convinced herself that this situation was her fault and she wanted to make it right. It wasn’t her fault; it was just a lousy situation.

My post yesterday said that the universe conspires with you. Paula couldn’t decide to leave, but her position was eventually eliminated. It was tough to see the blessing in the moment, but she’s gone on to a much more rewarding situation and is finding time in her life to do things that bring her joy. She’s happier than she’s been in a long time.

So how do you know if you should stay or go? In chapter 8 of my book, I share several considerations, but I will highlight a few for you below. Please note that I am assuming you’re a good performer.

Good Reasons to Stay:

You’re learning and gaining valuable experience.
You’re paid fairly for the work that you do.
You are supported by your manager.

Good Reasons to Leave:

You aren’t supported by your manager. It’s incredibly difficult to succeed at work without your boss’ support.
You aren’t paid fairly.
You’ve outgrown your job and there’s nowhere else to go in the company.

Of course, there are extenuating circumstances where it might make sense to stay no matter what. For example, maybe you’re dealing with a medical issue and you need the benefits’ coverage provided by your employer.

I believe that it’s important to speak to your manager to understand what can be improved. It’s possible that your manager has no idea you don’t feel supported. It’s also possible that some managers have no idea they’re not paying you fairly. When I’ve had these situations, I always felt that I could leave with a clear conscience if I had made reasonable efforts to bring shortcomings to my manager’s attention. My book helps you frame challenging conversations like this.

I often say that life is short. Staying someplace simply because you’ve failed to decide to leave is not in your best interest. It’s your life, my friend. Own it, don’t allow others to own it for you. You don’t have to make a fast decision, but take the time to assess what’s best for you and decide. Not deciding is also a decision, but it may not be the best one for you. You can do this.

Big hug to you.

January 4 2022

I See You and I’m Here For You

Vicki Z Authenticity Reawakened, career, coaching, Course, Tools 0

I love helping my clients to bring more of themselves to work, resolve conflict and identify their purpose. The last year has been incredibly fulfilling to me as a leadership coach because I’ve watched some young women push through their fear and speak up for what they want and deserve. They’re amazing.

Lately, I’ve been working on identifying an avatar that represents my ideal coaching client. I named her Dierdre. I’m curious if this person sounds like you:

Dierdre is 40 years old.
She’s a director at a financial services firm.
She has a BS and an MBA.
She’s married with two children.
She lives in a nice suburb of Chicago.
She is always on the go, whether it’s to get her kids ready for school, attend meetings during the day, plan a great family party or lead a key project for her organization.
She says “yes” a lot and because she’s such a professional, she gets asked to do many things.
She’s exhausted.
She is also taken advantage of because she doesn’t realize her worth.
She’s worked at the same firm for 5 years. She has been promoted a few times, but it seems that now there’s no mention of the next step.
She is a strong performer.
She has a team of people who respect her, but they’re also concerned about her.
She’s not good at delegating because most people can’t do things as well as she can do them.
She wants to trust her people more, but she’s got so much responsibility that it’s easier to just do it herself than to wait for others to catch up.
She feels stuck at her current level and wonders why her contributions aren’t being recognized to the degree they should be.
She’s starting to think the only reason she’s not being promoted is that she is being discriminated against, but it’s possible she’s not being promoted because she’s not delegating more and is focused on tactics rather than higher-level strategic work.
Her mind is racing all the time and she often feels like she’ll never get everything done.
She works all day but then goes home where she makes sure everyone is fed, that homework is done, and that everything is set up for the following day.
When the kids are asleep, she grabs something sweet to eat and then does a load of laundry, answers any lingering work emails, and watches Netflix for thirty minutes or so.
Her husband fell asleep before she did; he’s tired too.
She heads to bed later than she should but feels satisfied that somehow she managed to get the most pressing things done.
She fails to see that she hasn’t done anything for herself; she’s too far down the list-maybe she’ll get a manicure on Saturday if there isn’t a school event.
She tosses and turns at night because subconsciously she is running through the list of things she must do tomorrow.
She wakes up at 6 ready to do it all again.
She doesn’t know how to ask for help or to speak up for herself and because she never seems to falter, people think she’s “fine”. She isn’t.
She’s worried that she’s losing herself but doesn’t know what to do about it.

I know Deidre well because I was a lot like her. I know what it’s like to work tirelessly and to lose yourself along the way. I wrote my book to help people like Deidre. In it I share information that I wish someone would’ve given to me. I coach clients like Deidre and do it well because I’ve been in their shoes. I know how hard they’re working and how lost they feel. I’m honored to help them as well as their organizations get to a better place.

Living your purpose can sound like a cliché, but what I’ve learned during my six decades is that it’s heartbreaking when people get to the end of their lives with a list of “could-haves, should-haves and would-haves”.

If Dierdre sounds like you, I hope you will find my work helpful. Please don’t hesitate to contact me if I can be of service to you.

December 14 2021

Year End 2021 Giveaway [CLOSED!]

Vicki Z Authenticity Reawakened, Giveaway 74

I’m excited to provide you an opportunity to win a 2022 Passion Planner, sticker set, and tabs.

Two winners will receive the following prizes valued at $80:

1 2022 Grey Marble A4 sized Passion Planner
1 Package of Park Lane Stickers
1 Package of Passion Planner Monthly Tabs (silver)

To enter to win please be sure to leave a comment down below and subscribe to Vicki’s List

This sweepstake starts today, December 13, 2021,12:00PM CST and ends December 23, 2021 at 12:00PM CST. Please see the full rules below.

November 30 2021

Yes, Work Should Be Joyful

Vicki Z Authenticity Reawakened, coaching, Motivation, Tools 0

With the holiday season upon us, I couldn’t help but be aware that everywhere I go I see the word “joy” prominently displayed. The season should be filled with joy, but I know that it isn’t true for everyone. That’s exactly how I feel about joy at work.

On average, we spend over 80,000 hours at work in our lifetime. That’s not only a lot of work, but it’s a huge chunk of our lives. So if work doesn’t bring you joy then there’s a strong chance that life isn’t joyful either. But only you can know whether this is true for you or not.

I’m a hard-core optimist and do my best to see the glass half-full rather than half-empty. But even a hard-core optimist knows when work is not fulfilling. Here are some clues that work may not be joyful:

You don’t trust your manager (huge red flag!!)
You don’t feel supported
You’re not recognized for great work
You work all day and much of the night regularly at the expense of your personal life
You feel it’s not possible to ever catch up
You toss and turn at night
You spend a lot of time documenting things because you feel that someone is out to get you
You feel nervous and edgy
You rarely have a good laugh or go home feeling great about your day

I said this several times in my book: Life is short. All of us deserve to experience joy at work and we all have an opportunity to give it to others. You don’t really need to check off the boxes above to know if you’re experiencing joy at work; you already know the answer. Now ask yourself if you deserve joy. Yes, of course you do.

So, what are some solutions? Perhaps start with talking to your manager. The intentional compassionate conflict model in my book helps you prepare for difficult conversations. If you’ve already truly tried speaking with your manager it’s time to consider moving to something else. Before you do that, take some time to identify what you want in a new role and what kind of manager would be ideal for you. This way, you can be an active participant in interviews because you’ll know what you want, who you want to work for and with whom.

Speak with your loved ones to brainstorm on possible improvements. Select a few important steps to take in the short-term and others that can be longer term. You get to decide what works best for you.

On the other hand, if you do feel joy at work, know that this is how it should be and cherish this feeling. Look for opportunities to help others feel good about work as well. It can be a genuine thank you, a shared cup of coffee or a shared laugh. If you’re a manager, you can bring joy to others by having thoughtful and honest conversations with those on your team. Letting people know you care about them means so much.

I wish you immense joy at work; it’s attainable regardless of the position you hold. Steve Jobs once said the following: “Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do.”

I will humbly add the following: And the only way to love what you do is to feel genuine joy as you do it.

Yes, we all have bad days at work, but when those days add up to months and even years, it’s time to claim the joy you deserve at work.

November 16 2021

If Everything is a Priority, Nothing is a Priority

Vicki Z Authenticity Reawakened, Mindfulness, Motivation 0

I hope you’re well. Here in the Midwest, it’s cold and rainy and the first snow flurries have come and gone. For me, this time of year means lots of lists of things to do and this inspired the topic for today’s blog.
When I was working full-time, the lists not only contained the things I needed to do for my family, but they were chock full of things to do for work. I never managed to get everything on my lists done all the time. In fact, I took immense pleasure in making sure that the lists were never-ending.

As I reflect on my work life, I managed to complete the things that really mattered whether it was to attend a dance recital, make a costume, complete an important project for work or have a date night with my husband. Was it always pretty? Absolutely not!

Most of the things that mattered were top on my list, but I worked my butt off and stressed over many things that really didn’t matter. Why? Because I didn’t want to fail to measure up to some ridiculous standard. I put a lot of unnecessary pressure on myself, and I know that many of you do the same. Sometimes we need to give ourselves a break. One way to do that is to let go of time-wasting activities.
For example, I used to iron my kids’ clothes. I would iron for seven hours every Sunday. My mom taught me that clothes shouldn’t be wrinkled. She ironed all the time, even after working a forty-hour week herself. One day my mother-in-law took me aside and told me that I should loosen my standards. That advice gave me seven hours of freedom a week.

Another waste of time is worrying about whether people like you. DO NOT spend another minute worrying about the people who don’t care about or like you; they don’t deserve your time. Spend your time with people who care about you and do all you can to treat them the same. You can’t be liked by everyone and spending another sleepless night fretting about someone who is never going to like you is stealing time from yourself and those who do care about you. Let them go!

Don’t worry about whether you will lose your job. Do your best work, be honest and be respectful of your colleagues. Outside of these steps, you have no control over whether you will lose your job so worrying about it doesn’t help. Also, know that if you’re working for someone who consistently makes you feel insecure, consider leaving. Good managers lift their team members; they don’t manage with fear.

Do take care of yourself. Put yourself on your list. I don’t care if you only have 10-15 minutes to spare a day, be sure that you do something that makes you feel good. As I reflect on the busiest time in my life, I can remember being angry inside because I was exhausted. I didn’t know how to ask for help and I was an expert at looking like everything was easy for me. It wasn’t.

If everything is a priority, nothing is a priority. My friends, please put your highest priorities on your list of things to do and make sure that YOU are on the list as well. Be well!

November 9 2021

Yes, Feedback Can Hurt

Vicki Z Authenticity Reawakened, coaching, Course, Mindfulness, Motivation, Tools 0

I’ve talked quite a bit lately about performance feedback because it’s “that time of year”, especially for managers who don’t talk to their team members until they’re absolutely forced to “complete the forms and come up with a rating”. It’s too bad that this happens, but unfortunately, it does.

Receiving feedback can hurt if it’s not completely positive. The reason for this is that most of us come to work and try to do our very best. We want to be the best at all we do. Hearing that we felt short in some regard is painful to hear even if that feedback is delivered with great care, let alone rushed as part of a “check the box” activity.

Here are a few tips to help you accept feedback in a way that helps you rather than scars you.

Know what is and isn’t feedback

If your manager says something such as “you think you’re better than everyone else” or “you’re just not engaged”, this isn’t feedback. These are judgements. If your manager says things like this to you, ask your manager to clarify what behaviors you demonstrate that are giving this impression and affecting your impact. It might sound like this: “Can you help me understand what it is that I do that gives you this impression? I’d like to better understand how to improve.” The idea here is to help understand what it is that you do so that you can assess if it’s something you wish to or can change.

If you hear “you’re great”, know that this too isn’t feedback. In this situation maybe you could say “thank you so much. If you were to select one or two specific things you appreciated about my performance, what might those be? I want to be sure to keep doing great work.”

If, on the other hand, your manager says, “you’ve missed several key deadlines this year and it’s negatively impacted all of us.” This is direct feedback that describes where you fell short. The manager should then describe what’s needed from you in the future. If that’s not shared with you, ask about it so that you know what’s expected going forward. It’s possible there’s some information that wasn’t shared with the manager that would change her opinion so share that if that’s the case.

Reflect

Reflect on the feedback you receive. Talk to a trusted friend/colleague and ask them if the feedback has some merit. Is this the first time you’ve heard this kind of feedback? Really take some time in this space; it will be time well spent and I promise it’ll sting a little less over time.

If you’re struggling to understand the feedback, go back to your manager and genuinely express what you’re trying to understand. If you agree with the feedback, then talk to your manager about the ways you’ll modify your behavior and ask for help where it’s needed. If you don’t agree then share why that’s the case using facts and data.

Yes, Feedback is a Gift

Even when we receive several positive pieces of feedback, we often decide to belabor the one piece of constructive feedback shared with us. We walk away thinking that we’ve somehow failed leaving both you and your manager feeling awful.

With over forty years of experience, I can tell you that when people allow themselves to be vulnerable enough to you to tell you what you can work on to have greater impact, think of it as a gift. Yes, it can hurt, but now you know what might be getting in the way of your success. With knowledge comes the power to change. As I look back on my career, I’m so grateful for people being honest about where I fell short because then I could do something about it. That’s true for you too.