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Vicki Z

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https://vickiznavor.com

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VZ82

“Goals should evolve as you evolve.” #VickiZnavor

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“Goals should evolve as you evolve.” #VickiZnavor

When was the last time that you took stock of your personal goals? I thought of you today when I was thinking about this very question for myself.

When I was just starting out, I had two pretty simple goals: pay my rent and somehow ensure that I could pay for them to go to college. Those were good goals, but they weren’t meant to last a lifetime.

I remember years later when the two goals were achieved, I met with my coach. She asked me what my goals were and I explained the only two I had ever really set. She said the following: It’s time to set new goals.

Now I know this sounds pretty easy and perhaps you feel your goals are all set. If that’s true, I hope you’re keeping those goals top of mind and working towards them regularly.

If you feel a little lost and not sure what you want, it’s time to do some pondering.

Here are a few questions that might help:

📌 What are my top priorities for my personal life?

📌 With my personal priorities in mind, what are a few ways I can bring them to life?

📌 What do I want to have achieved in 1, 5, and perhaps even 10 years?

📌 How will I feel when I’ve achieved my goals?

Write your answers down and whatever you do, please make being healthy a goal. Nothing happens if you don’t take good care of yourself.

Big hug. Have a great rest of your week! 🌞

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Listen Now: Close Up Radio Spotlights Vicki Znavor of UBU

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I had the honor of speaking with Jim Masters, the award-winning TV/Radio personality, on his Closeup Radio show.

Some of the specifics we covered were the following:

  • What is leadership coaching and how does it help my clients?
  • How does reading my book or getting coaching from me help clients move forward?
  • We talk about whether people are living genuinely and what to do about it if we’re not.
  • Why does it matter if you’re fulfilled at work?

Jim is a terrific host and I really enjoyed speaking with him. I hope you’ll give the show a listen and let me know what resonates with you. Also, be sure to check out more awesome episodes of Close Radio by clicking  here 

Listen now:

vz726

Leaders-Stop Name-Calling

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Leaders-please stop name-calling. By this, I mean telling people that they’re being defensive, too assertive, lacking confidence, etc. When you call people names, you aren’t helping them succeed (this is your primary job as a leader) and you’re shutting them down. They don’t know what behavior needs attention; they just know that you don’t approve of them and they’re falling short of your expectations.

When you catch yourself name-calling, think about your intention. Are you trying to put them in their place because they’re threatening you? Are you calling a woman who is working really hard “too intense” because she’s working harder than you are willing or able to work?

Keep feedback based on behavior. Instead of “you’re too intense”, maybe something such as “when you are solely focused on getting the work done you aren’t listening to the team’s concerns which makes them feel unappreciated and unduly stressed. Here is a suggestion that might help…..

People need to feel supported at work-it’s actually what leading is all about.

If I can help you lead more effectively, please contact me.

VZblog719

Protect Your Most Precious Resource – Your Time

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I’m self-employed and recently took two weeks off.  I didn’t work at all and spent time with my family.  And guess what?  It was a challenge to allow myself the time without feeling guilty about unfinished work – work that I control 100% of the time.

Before I dive into tips that might help all of us, I want to share the following story.  Our family was watching old family movies while they were visiting.  Waves of nostalgia came over me as I watched them with their toy kitchens, play with our long-since deceased dogs and go about the simple things that families do as they celebrate milestones together.

Something else caught my eye as well.  In every video, I look completely exhausted.  Not just tired, exhausted.  I barely recognized the person in the videos, and it broke my heart to see myself.  I was present for my family, but not myself.  I was raising children, working hard to keep my marriage healthy, going to school, and working full-time.  It was just too much, but I didn’t have the tools to ask for help or even to admit that I needed it.

Luckily, I am much healthier now than then although my recent guilt trip helped me to realize that I’m simply a person in recovery who must continue to work at guilt-free relaxing. I’m blessed to coach executives, and I see so much of myself in them more times than not.  They’re driven to succeed but I want them to know that downtime is absolutely a requirement for good physical and mental health.

With the above in mind, here are a few tips that I hope will help you (and serve as a reminder to myself) value and protect downtime.

Schedule your work hours

Don’t deviate from that schedule unless there’s an urgent matter that needs your attention.  When you work at home it’s easy to let work and life commingle more than is healthy.  When your scheduled time is done, shut down all technology and be present in your personal life.

Schedule breaks and lunch

These don’t need to be long breaks, but take a walk, exercise, eat a healthy lunch, chat with a friend, etc.  Put these times in your calendar.

Unplug from Work When on Vacation

Let people know that you are not available unless it’s an absolute emergency.  Think of vacation time as healthcare.

Learn to Say No

Every time you say yes to something, know that you’re saying no to something that may be far more important to your life.  Trust me, the more you do this, the better you will feel and the better you’ll get at not feeling guilty.

Know You Can’t Do It All

You might be guilty of thinking that if you don’t do it, no one else will, or at least they won’t do it as well as you would have.  Does it really matter if that’s true?  I learned that at work other people could do what I could, or they were capable of learning.  And at home, let me tell you, I was a lot happier when I accepted that my husband would never fold a fitted sheet as well as I could, but it didn’t matter.

Ask for Help

I am terrible at asking for help of any kind.  I know from helping others that it’s an honor to help.  Ask for the help you need.

Life is short. Do the stuff that really matters and let go of the rest; it’s not serving you.  It certainly wasn’t serving that young woman I saw in the home videos last week.

Big hug.  If I can help you, please contact me through my social media links.

VZ621

Just Because It’s Said Doesn’t Make It True

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If I told you that you were a unicorn, would you believe it? Probably not. While it’s not likely that you’ve been accused of being a unicorn, I would bet that you’ve been told you’re something else that’s also not true and ideally you won’t believe that either.  And yet we often do.

Years ago, as I was working to build my career, I was focused on doing the highest quality work possible. I am by nature a serious person as well as an introvert.  Take those two qualities and add a pressing deadline and I can seem aloof and unfriendly. Someone who doesn’t know me well might label me any number of things, but that doesn’t mean they’re true. Conversely, if we’re called something like superwoman or superstar, it’s not necessarily true either is it?

I’ll never fully understand how someone could feel entitled enough to label anyone negatively or to be bold enough to declare how someone else is feeling, but it happens.  So, what do you do when it happens to you?  Here are some tips:

  1. Ask yourself if you care what they say. If you don’t care, then let it go, no further action required.

  2. Is it true? If there’s any truth to what’s being said, it may be worth it to you to understand why you’re behaving in a certain way and whether that behavior is against your values.

  3. Decide what you should do (modify your behavior, apologize, explain, etc.) and do it.

One thing you shouldn’t do, however, is enable someone to treat you disrespectfully. I am a firm believer that people will treat you in a way that you allow. So, if someone is disrespectful, calls you names, tells you what they think you are, etc., stop them immediately. Let them know that it’s unacceptable to call you names, label you, etc.  You can do that by saying “you cannot speak to me that way”.

 

I want you to know that when you know yourself, you believe yourself more than you believe others when it comes to knowing who you are.  I know I’m not arrogant and, as a result, I couldn’t care less if someone who doesn’t know or like me calls me arrogant.  If someone tells you you’re lazy or uncaring or anything else and you know it’s not true, trust yourself to know your truth.

 

When you know who you are and what matters the most to you, you will quiet a lot of the negativity and judgment that may come your way.  Time is precious.  Don’t spend it feeling bad about yourself because someone who doesn’t care about you said something negative.  Remember, just because they say it, doesn’t make it true.

 

Take good care!

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Five Steps to Making Your Dream a Reality

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I love Martin Luther King Jr.’s quote “You don’t have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step” because so many dreams die simply because that first step was never taken. Over the years I’ve seen people become incredibly adept at explaining why something can’t be done because they’ve focused on all the things that might get in their way. I once read a quote that said something like “whatever you think about grows.” I know people who are experts at knowing why things can’t be done. Don’t let that be you. All of us have dreams, so how what are some ways that we can bring them to life? Here are a few tips that I hope will help you.

1. Identify your dream

This sounds simple, but it’s the most crucial step you can take. A question that might help you get started is “What Do I Want to Have/Do/Feel/Realize/Achieve?” Write it down and then sit with it for a few days to make sure it feels right to you.

2. Verify that it’s your dream and not someone else’s dream

So many people follow other people’s dreams for themselves. Make sure that your dream is yours and no one else’s.

3. Consider what it’ll take to achieve your dream

List a few things that are required for your dream to come to life. Consider some simple steps forward you can take right away that aren’t overwhelming. These steps can include things like talking to or reading about people who have already achieved your dream or researching requirements for a specific job. Write it all down so you have it on paper (I’m old-school in this regard but use technology if that works best for you). Put the requirements in the form of steps starting with the easiest.

4. Imagine what it’ll feel like when you have achieved your goal

Thinking as positively as you can, imagine yourself having achieved your dream. What will it feel like for you? How will it change your life? Write these things down and come back to them when you need to remind yourself why the goal is important.

5. Take the first step

Hold yourself accountable for completing the steps you created in item 3 above. Of course, we all fall short sometimes, but don’t let yourself fall short so often that you lose sight of your dream. If you need help, ask for it. People are honored to help you. If you stumble, know that everyone stumbles from time to time. Get back up and keep going for goodness sakes.

You might be wondering why a person who wrote about authenticity talks so much about goals. I believe that living an authentic life is all about knowing what you want and going for it. I know from experience that living someone else’s life isn’t very fulfilling and it certainly doesn’t lead to realizing your purpose.

With the above in mind, I’m going to share one last suggestion. Know that you deserve to have and achieve your dreams. As is true for most things in life, you’re going to have to earn the life you desire, but once you do, there’s such a sense of fulfillment and peace. In the end, I think that’s what we all strive for while here on this planet.

Never give up my friends. If you have a dream, it doesn’t matter how long it takes to achieve it, it just matters that you do. I wish you the very best.

VZ67

Five Ways to Be More Authentic

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In my book I share one hundred ways to be authentic at the back of the book, but today I’m going to focus on just five.

First, let’s dive into in my working definition of authenticity:
Know Who You Are, Know What Matters Most to You and Show up in the world in a way that reflects that to the extent you wish to do so.

The above definition dispels the myth that being authentic means that you must tell your life story to everyone you meet or that you must be completely transparent about everything. My definition places the emphasis on YOU because it’s important that YOU know what is important to you and that you make decisions that reflect those priorities and values.
In other words, I don’t think you can be authentic even to yourself if you haven’t reflected on your life and your values. Absent a compass to guide you, others will tell you where you want to go and what should be important to you. My book helps you complete this important work.

Ok, so here are some ways to be more authentic in general:
Don’t say “yes” if you really mean “no”
I can’t tell you how many times people say yes to something they know they don’t want to do. Why? They don’t want others to feel bad or to think less of them. Try to remember that you can say no with kindness and that every time you say yes to something, you’re saying no to something else. There’s only so much time in a day. You want to be sure that you’re saying yes to your priorities.

Say you’re sorry, but only if you truly mean it
So many people (especially women!) apologize for things they don’t need to apologize for at all. Pay attention to how often you do this and remind yourself that unless you’ve done something that deserves an apology, there’s no need to apologize. If, on the other hand, you do mean to apologize, do it with heart and then let it go.

Believe that you deserve good things in life and work
Often, we have a hard time accepting good things and will sometimes even sabotage ourselves so we don’t get them. Each of us deserves good things and when they happen for you, accept them with grace.

Don’t gossip
At the heart of strong relationships is trust. If someone has shared something in confidence with you, honor the confidence they’ve placed in you. If you break other people’s confidence, they will quickly learn that you’re not to be trusted. It takes a long time to build trust, but it’s impossible to regain it if it’s lost. Besides that, gossiping seems like a waste of precious time.

Look in the Mirror from time to time
We can often fool lots of people, but it’s difficult to fool ourselves. Looking in the mirror and asking yourself if you’re living up to your values and purpose will give you the answers you need. Self-reflection is such an important aspect of authenticity because we are always on the run and it’s easy to lose ourselves in other people’s priorities. Please take time to check in with yourself so that when you’re not doing the things you should be doing, you can self-correct sooner rather than later.

I hope that you find something helpful with the above; it’s my intention to help where I can do so. Have a great week everyone and if you’ve used some of these suggestions, please let me know what you discovered!

VZMAY24

Make A Decision or Someone Else Will

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Anne Carson has said, “Sometimes a journey makes itself necessary.” Here’s what my mom would’ve said after reading that one: “Ain’t it the truth!”

It’s human nature to seek pleasure and avoid pain. Pain is often associated with change regardless of whether this change is part of our work or other aspects of our lives. I’ve seen countless instances in my own life and in the lives of others where we do all we can to hold onto the status quo and avoid deciding for fear that having to do so will be too disruptive.

Unfortunately, the reality is that not deciding is a decision on its own. In my book, I shared that Oprah talked about being frustrated with countless guests for not paying attention to their lives. She mentioned that not listening to our life’s whispers results in the whispers getting louder and louder until eventually something comes crashing down. This is what it’s like when we don’t own our lives and make deliberate decisions. When we step back and let someone else decide for us what we should become, what we should do, what we should wear, say, be, etc.

I’ve met with countless people over the years who have been frustrated that someone didn’t offer them a job, despite the fact they never expressed an interest. Others have stayed in a job that they clearly dislike but they don’t leave because they’re afraid to leave. Often what happens is that they don’t perform well, or they become so nervous about failing that they don’t exhibit their strengths and lose their jobs because someone else decided their fate for them.

Owning your life takes effort and courage without a doubt.

In my blog, I share a lot of information about knowing what you want. It’s so important because when you know what you want, you start trusting your own instincts about what’s possible for you and how you can go about getting it. You stop relying on others to tell you what you want or when you should leave or what you’re worth.

Owning your life takes effort and courage without a doubt. It also takes effort to tolerate other people diminishing you, squashing your dreams, and paying you less than you’re worth. I hope you put your effort into going forward and realizing the life you want to live. It’s really the only way to understand and realize your purpose.

 

VZ - 2022 Quotes

Love What You Do

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I wholeheartedly believe that to be good at anything, you must put in the work required to do so. Some must work harder than others but it is work, nonetheless. I have found that everything in my career took work. I had no experience with even ever talking to someone in a corporate role before I found myself in a corporate environment. I did not understand corporate culture or politics. I did not understand the role that shareholders played or even what role the stock market played for corporations. I knew absolutely nothing.

My ignorance aside, what I knew without a doubt was that I loved business. There was something so exciting to me about it. I knew from a very young age that I wanted to work in business. But because I knew so little about business, “working” in business meant typing. It was all that I knew existed and that was good enough for me. I just wanted to be in the mix; I did not care what I did while there. All this is to say that there was a passion for that world that existed before I knew what was possible for me in it.

“There is great possibility that we simply are not doing the work that speaks to us.”

Of course, once I got into the business, I could not get enough of it. I still cannot; I will forever be fascinated with how organizations operate.
Steve Jobs gave an inspirational speech at Stanford University years ago. This is one of my favorite quotes from that speech:
Your work is going to fill a large part of your life and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking and don’t settle. As with all matters of the heart, you’ll know when you find it.

It seems that in recent years we have found countless things wrong with organizations and their leaders. I’m not saying they’re not without fault, but I wonder if sometimes when we’re pointing out all of the problems with “them”, that we’re not asking ourselves why things aren’t working or why they’re not fulfilling us.

There is great possibility that we simply are not doing the work that speaks to us. Sometimes reaching this conclusion is painful, especially if you have spent thousands on your education or are trying to fulfill someone else’s dreams for your life. I started this blog today with the hope of conveying that everything good in life takes hard work. Relationships take work. Long relationships take an enormous amount of work.

Achieving excellence in work takes hard work over many years. If you are going to work hard and perhaps work hard for many years, shouldn’t that work be fulfilling? And if it is not fulfilling, is it possible to be exceptional at it? I do not think so, but that is not really what makes me sad. What makes me sad is that people spend a lifetime doing something they do not like only to find themselves inevitably feeling like they wasted their lives doing something that did not really matter to them. In other words, they did not live authentically. Of course, we all must do whatever it takes to put food on the table and pay our rent, but please find time to do the things that fulfill your soul. Do the work to understand what it is that you find fulfilling and then do it.

This is your life. You deserve good things.

VZ - 2022 Quotes (33)

Their Dreams Shouldn’t Have to Be Your Dreams

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I am new to Tik Tok.  I enjoy the platform because the algorithm has figured out that I love animals so that is the content I see most.  Occasionally I see a video that’s different.  Today’s blog is about that video.

As I was scrolling along, I landed upon a distraught young woman.  She had her head in her hands and she was crying.  The bot voice (is that what I should call that??) indicated that she hated school but nonetheless had gotten through it and was relieved that it was over.  She went on to say that now her parents were pressuring her to go to law school.  While she hates the thought of doing so, she wondered whether she should go to law school.

My first thought was “why are you asking total strangers what you should do?”  Honestly, why would anyone ask their followers on Tik Tok for opinions on their life?  Next, I wondered why someone who was so obviously miserable about the thought of going to law school would think that going to law school was a promising idea.  Sure, she might do perfectly well, and then what?

I’ve seen people who pursue degrees and careers because they’re fulfilling someone else’s dreams, not their own.  I feel badly for anyone put in this position.  Sometimes well-meaning parents who didn’t pursue their own dreams create such pressure on their children to do what they couldn’t.

Most parents want what’s best for their kids, but they define “best” as being high paying.  So, people go off and become lawyers and doctors to make their families proud.  I’m sure things work out for some, but unfortunately often they don’t.  Why?  They are fulfilling someone else’s dreams, not their own.  Sigh.

I’ll end this blog with the following bits of advice:

  • Trust your own feelings when it comes to your goals
  • Don’t make life decisions based on social media followers’ advice
  • Don’t pursue degrees and careers that don’t interest you
  • Know that you deserve the ability to pursue your goals and dreams

Each of us must own our decisions in life.  Of course, you should consult with the people you love and respect most when you’re unsure of one path vs. another.  But if everything inside you is screaming “NO!!!!,” then you have your answer.  The girl in the Tik Tok video had her answer too and I hope she trusts it.

You have the answers too my friends.

Be well.

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