April 2022

April 26 2022

Their Dreams Shouldn’t Have to Be Your Dreams

I am new to Tik Tok. I enjoy the platform because the algorithm has figured out that I love animals so that is the content I see most. Occasionally I see a video that’s different. Today’s blog is about that video.

As I was scrolling along, I landed upon a distraught young woman. She had her head in her hands and she was crying. The bot voice (is that what I should call that??) indicated that she hated school but nonetheless had gotten through it and was relieved that it was over. She went on to say that now her parents were pressuring her to go to law school. While she hates the thought of doing so, she wondered whether she should go to law school.

My first thought was “why are you asking total strangers what you should do?” Honestly, why would anyone ask their followers on Tik Tok for opinions on their life? Next, I wondered why someone who was so obviously miserable about the thought of going to law school would think that going to law school was a promising idea. Sure, she might do perfectly well, and then what?

I’ve seen people who pursue degrees and careers because they’re fulfilling someone else’s dreams, not their own. I feel badly for anyone put in this position. Sometimes well-meaning parents who didn’t pursue their own dreams create such pressure on their children to do what they couldn’t.

Most parents want what’s best for their kids, but they define “best” as being high paying. So, people go off and become lawyers and doctors to make their families proud. I’m sure things work out for some, but unfortunately often they don’t. Why? They are fulfilling someone else’s dreams, not their own. Sigh.

I’ll end this blog with the following bits of advice:

Trust your own feelings when it comes to your goals
Don’t make life decisions based on social media followers’ advice
Don’t pursue degrees and careers that don’t interest you
Know that you deserve the ability to pursue your goals and dreams

Each of us must own our decisions in life. Of course, you should consult with the people you love and respect most when you’re unsure of one path vs. another. But if everything inside you is screaming “NO!!!!,” then you have your answer. The girl in the Tik Tok video had her answer too and I hope she trusts it.

You have the answers too my friends.

Be well.

April 19 2022

Are You Stuck Because You’re Afraid?

Vicki Z Authenticity Reawakened, career, coaching 0

Yesterday’s post was this quote from Wayne Dyer: You are not stuck where you are unless you decide to be. That is a powerful quote and a reminder that we are in command of our own lives. If we’re not where we want to be, the answers aren’t “out there,” they’re within you. Within all of us.

It’s easy to find excuses when things aren’t where we want them to be, but no matter what we come up with, the real issue is fear. The things we say to ourselves might sound like the following:

I can’t leave now, I’m getting a bonus (in 8 months).
I don’t want to tell them I’m interested in that higher-level position because they’ll just say no.
The job of my dreams requires a degree and that’s impossible.
Sure, I’ll look into it (but then you don’t)
I wanted to apply, but I missed the deadline
The kids start school soon and I shouldn’t do something new now
They’ll never see me that way
They don’t like me

Now I want to clarify that just because someone doesn’t do new things doesn’t mean they’re stuck. If someone is doing the same thing for years, but really enjoying it, that’s fantastic. There’s nothing better than seeing someone doing what they love. It’s the best.

If on the other hand, you are stuck and miserable and everyone knows you’re miserable, then that requires some self-reflection and some personal accountability. The person that’s choosing this path is you. It’s your choice. You can either accept that or change your path.

People who don’t accept accountability usually blame everyone else. They don’t like me, they can’t see me that way, I don’t have the right clothes, etc.

It takes courage to look within and admit that the only one stopping you is you. If you really want to go forward, take some time to think about what you’re afraid of and why it’s stopping you in your tracks. The reality is the following (all internal statements):

I’m afraid I’ll fail. (What if you don’t?)
I don’t have the confidence to go for the job. (What will it take to be more confident?)
They’ll never see me that way or they don’t like me. (How will you know if you don’t try?)

It breaks my heart when people are stuck for years, but it’s a choice and we all must live our own lives. If you’re stuck, you’re afraid and you owe it to yourself to understand what you’re afraid of. I hope you can let that fear go at some point; it’s not serving you.

I am closing with Marianne Williamson’s quote about fear. I hope it inspires you in some way, it inspires me every time I read it.

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

That is powerful my friends. You weren’t put here to play small and let your dreams die on the vine. Take some time to think about what you’re afraid of (my book can help!) and live the life you were meant to live.

Be well.

April 12 2022

A Lesson In Legacy (Thank You Douglas C. Volz)

Vicki Z career, coaching, leadership, Mindfulness DougVolz, legacy, SaraLee 0

In my book, I wrote about how we’re all building our legacy even though we may not be doing so intentionally. When our lives are over, the only thing that really will have mattered is the extent to which we changed others’ lives. I am a firm believer that we have the power to change others’ lives in all we do, including through our work.

In my book, I share the story of Brian Floriani who, while attending the funerals of his grandmother and his father, wondered if the nice things people would say at his funeral would be true. At that point, he honestly wasn’t sure. As a result, he’s deliberately gone about living a life of significance since then and is building a powerful legacy without a doubt. Read more about Brian and Bernie’s Book Bank and you will be inspired.

Today I want to share the legacy of a former colleague at Sara Lee. Doug Volz was an SVP in HR at Sara Lee when I was in the early stages of my HR career. Doug recently passed away and I’m heartbroken that I never had a chance to thank him for the many ways that he influenced and inspired me. Here are a few things that Doug did that made a difference in my work:

He Made Us Feel Like We Mattered

Doug made it a point to know everyone and he sure made it seem that he enjoyed doing so. He’d stop at your desk, ask you what’s new in your area, how you’re doing, etc. and then he’d actually listen. I was at an entry level and wasn’t used to conversing with an executive. Doug always made me feel like he enjoyed the conversation and appreciated my opinions.

For the first several months I was in HR, I wondered who kept leaving Tootsie Roll Pops on our desks. I eventually learned it was Doug. He always arrived at the office earlier than anyone else, so he walked around and left the treats without anyone seeing him do so. I know this is a small act of kindness, but he was a busy man who didn’t even work on the same floor as most of the team. He took the time to walk around the entire floor and leave the treats and it always made me smile. I learned from Doug that small acts of kindness go a long way.

He Handled Tough Conversations with Respect

This is probably one of the most important lessons Doug taught me. Doug often was the person who would travel to various locations around the world to let people go. As the corporation was undergoing massive change, there was a significant amount of these difficult conversations, to say the least.

One day I asked him how he could do this tough work without it weighing him down. I’ll never forget his response. He said, “If people have to be let go, I want them to be let go by someone who knows and cares about them”. I learned that day that if HR people get to the point where they can let someone go with a canned speech without any empathy, their time in HR should end. Doug made a difference to people in very difficult situations. I know that it mattered that he was the one delivering the tough messages.

He Loved People

Doug was in the people business because he genuinely cared about them, and it showed. It showed in how he greeted people, it showed in how he treated people and it showed in the decisions he made at work.

I was touched by the following lines in Doug’s obituary:

At his core, he wanted nothing more than to share a good meal and a fine glass of wine with his friends and family. For Doug, it wasn’t just about the food, but it was about the people, the experience, and the lasting memories they created. It is those wonderful memories that will continue to live on in those that have been blessed to have known his kind spirit.

That my friends is a beautiful legacy. He changed my life, and it was an honor knowing him. May he rest in peace always. Job well done Doug!

April 5 2022

Yes, You’re Busy, But Are You Productive?

Vicki Z Authenticity Reawakened, career, coaching, Mindfulness, Motivation 0

Since leaving a regular, full-time role (I cannot bring myself to say “retired”), I’ve done a lot of self-reflection. Admittedly I am a self-reflective person anyway, but lately, I’ve dug into some of the things I’ve been avoiding coming to terms with for myself. Being busy is one of “those things”.

I’m a master at being busy; I am always busy doing something. I love checklists and ticking off the boxes as I go through my day. But after a lot of self-reflection, I realize that I’ve been busy doing many things, but have made little progress on the things that really matter most to me. I can spot this issue in my clients from a mile away, but I have been avoiding acknowledging this is an issue for me too.

Now that I’m clearly aware that I’ve been avoiding doing some things that are important to me, I’ve got to understand “why” I’m avoiding these things. I have been trying to protect my time so that I can do things just for fun. I’m not great at fun; it’s a chore for me to just “be”. I’ve made great strides in the last two years, but it’s still a challenge. I know that I can protect my personal time and do the work that’s important to me so it’s time for me to increase my discipline in my scheduling and work at it every week.

Here are a few things I’m doing that will help me increase my productivity:

Documenting my highest priority projects for the week in my calendar.
Building in time during the week to complete essential tasks. I’m a morning person so I have scheduled the time during my most productive hours of the day.
Looking back at the week and being honest about whether I accomplished the highest priority items and assessing if I’ve missed anything.

Priorities are personal and you must define what is most important for you. If relaxing more is a priority, then make sure you consider what that will look like for you and schedule that time for yourself. If you’re striving to acquire some learning or you want to be a better partner, schedule that time and then assess whether you spent your time on that priority. Be honest with yourself and if you didn’t meet your goals, then consider where you lost your way and commit to staying on track next week.

I believe we’re all trying to attend to the important things in our lives, but often we don’t because we are too “busy”. This is what I meant by my post yesterday: “Manage Your List of Things to Do or It Will Manage You”.

My hope for you is that you will use your time and energy on the things that matter most to you and let go of some of the things that aren’t serving you well. This is my hope for myself as well.

Hope you all have a great week!