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November 2021

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Yes, Work Should Be Joyful

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With the holiday season upon us, I couldn’t help but be aware that everywhere I go I see the word “joy” prominently displayed. The season should be filled with joy, but I know that it isn’t true for everyone. That’s exactly how I feel about joy at work.

On average, we spend over 80,000 hours at work in our lifetime. That’s not only a lot of work, but it’s a huge chunk of our lives. So if work doesn’t bring you joy then there’s a strong chance that life isn’t joyful either. But only you can know whether this is true for you or not.

I’m a hard-core optimist and do my best to see the glass half-full rather than half-empty. But even a hard-core optimist knows when work is not fulfilling. Here are some clues that work may not be joyful:

  • You don’t trust your manager (huge red flag!!)
  • You don’t feel supported
  • You’re not recognized for great work
  • You work all day and much of the night regularly at the expense of your personal life
  • You feel it’s not possible to ever catch up
  • You toss and turn at night
  • You spend a lot of time documenting things because you feel that someone is out to get you
  • You feel nervous and edgy
  • You rarely have a good laugh or go home feeling great about your day

I said this several times in my book:  Life is short. All of us deserve to experience joy at work and we all have an opportunity to give it to others. You don’t really need to check off the boxes above to know if you’re experiencing joy at work; you already know the answer. Now ask yourself if you deserve joy. Yes, of course you do.

So, what are some solutions? Perhaps start with talking to your manager. The intentional compassionate conflict model in my book helps you prepare for difficult conversations. If you’ve already truly tried speaking with your manager it’s time to consider moving to something else.  Before you do that, take some time to identify what you want in a new role and what kind of manager would be ideal for you. This way, you can be an active participant in interviews because you’ll know what you want, who you want to work for and with whom.

Speak with your loved ones to brainstorm on possible improvements. Select a few important steps to take in the short-term and others that can be longer term.  You get to decide what works best for you.

On the other hand, if you do feel joy at work, know that this is how it should be and cherish this feeling. Look for opportunities to help others feel good about work as well. It can be a genuine thank you, a shared cup of coffee or a shared laugh. If you’re a manager, you can bring joy to others by having thoughtful and honest conversations with those on your team. Letting people know you care about them means so much.

I wish you immense joy at work; it’s attainable regardless of the position you hold.  Steve Jobs once said the following: “Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do.”

I will humbly add the following:  And the only way to love what you do is to feel genuine joy as you do it.

Yes, we all have bad days at work, but when those days add up to months and even years, it’s time to claim the joy you deserve at work.

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If It’s Not Working, Fix It

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Yesterday I shared this quote by Giovanni Dienstmann: “You can never change what you’re unaware of.” It’s true.

I’ve seen this truth come to life most often in my coaching work. My clients are exceptional, hard-working professionals who strive to do their best in all they do. As is true for most people, they are often surprised and disappointed by feedback that suggests that they aren’t making the impact they want to make despite having the very best of intentions.

You see, we all have blind spots. Despite our best intentions, people can experience us differently than we intend. Unexpected feedback can make us feel vulnerable and afraid. When that happens, sometimes we create stories in our minds that are much worse than intended by the feedback. The instinct can be to label the person who provided feedback as someone who “doesn’t like me” and whose feedback thus shouldn’t be taken seriously. I’ve always thought that there is some truth in all feedback. When you receive it, step back from it for a while and consider if there’s any truth at all in what you’ve heard. For example, maybe you’re someone who works hard to achieve results, but other people experience you as being harsh and controlling. In this situation, it would help to consider how this behavior is impacting your team and/or colleagues.

If you’re a parent, your intention may be to protect your children, so you step into situations and take over when they’re hoping to manage the matter themselves. Maybe hearing that they need you to step back a bit so they can learn and develop would help you parent more effectively. I know I learned this lesson from my daughters without a doubt. Feedback is a gift. Seeing yourself as others see you helps you to understand where you may be falling short of your intentions. With that awareness, you get to decide if you want to make a change or not.

I’m grateful for the many times in my life when people were brave enough, to be honest with me. I absolutely didn’t always like it, but those conversations helped me in countless ways. I know the same is true for you if you’re open to receiving the gift.
Have you received feedback that’s helped you grow after you stepped back and considered whether it was true?  I’d love to hear your story!

Thank you so much for reading this blog.  I really appreciate you being here.  For those who celebrate, I wish you a very happy Thanksgiving.  I’m so grateful for my clients and readers.

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If Everything is a Priority, Nothing is a Priority

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I hope you’re well. Here in the Midwest, it’s cold and rainy and the first snow flurries have come and gone. For me, this time of year means lots of lists of things to do and this inspired the topic for today’s blog.
When I was working full-time, the lists not only contained the things I needed to do for my family, but they were chock full of things to do for work. I never managed to get everything on my lists done all the time. In fact, I took immense pleasure in making sure that the lists were never-ending.

As I reflect on my work life, I managed to complete the things that really mattered whether it was to attend a dance recital, make a costume, complete an important project for work or have a date night with my husband. Was it always pretty? Absolutely not!

Most of the things that mattered were top on my list, but I worked my butt off and stressed over many things that really didn’t matter. Why? Because I didn’t want to fail to measure up to some ridiculous standard. I put a lot of unnecessary pressure on myself, and I know that many of you do the same. Sometimes we need to give ourselves a break. One way to do that is to let go of time-wasting activities.
For example, I used to iron my kids’ clothes. I would iron for seven hours every Sunday. My mom taught me that clothes shouldn’t be wrinkled. She ironed all the time, even after working a forty-hour week herself. One day my mother-in-law took me aside and told me that I should loosen my standards. That advice gave me seven hours of freedom a week.

Another waste of time is worrying about whether people like you. DO NOT spend another minute worrying about the people who don’t care about or like you; they don’t deserve your time. Spend your time with people who care about you and do all you can to treat them the same. You can’t be liked by everyone and spending another sleepless night fretting about someone who is never going to like you is stealing time from yourself and those who do care about you. Let them go!

Don’t worry about whether you will lose your job. Do your best work, be honest and be respectful of your colleagues. Outside of these steps, you have no control over whether you will lose your job so worrying about it doesn’t help. Also, know that if you’re working for someone who consistently makes you feel insecure, consider leaving. Good managers lift their team members; they don’t manage with fear.

Do take care of yourself. Put yourself on your list. I don’t care if you only have 10-15 minutes to spare a day, be sure that you do something that makes you feel good. As I reflect on the busiest time in my life, I can remember being angry inside because I was exhausted. I didn’t know how to ask for help and I was an expert at looking like everything was easy for me. It wasn’t.

If everything is a priority, nothing is a priority. My friends, please put your highest priorities on your list of things to do and make sure that YOU are on the list as well.  Be well!

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Yes, Feedback Can Hurt

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I’ve talked quite a bit lately about performance feedback because it’s “that time of year”, especially for managers who don’t talk to their team members until they’re absolutely forced to “complete the forms and come up with a rating”.  It’s too bad that this happens, but unfortunately, it does.

Receiving feedback can hurt if it’s not completely positive.  The reason for this is that most of us come to work and try to do our very best.  We want to be the best at all we do.  Hearing that we felt short in some regard is painful to hear even if that feedback is delivered with great care, let alone rushed as part of a “check the box” activity.

Here are a few tips to help you accept feedback in a way that helps you rather than scars you.

Know what is and isn’t feedback

If your manager says something such as “you think you’re better than everyone else” or “you’re just not engaged”, this isn’t feedback.  These are judgements.  If your manager says things like this to you, ask your manager to clarify what behaviors you demonstrate that are giving this impression and affecting your impact.  It might sound like this: “Can you help me understand what it is that I do that gives you this impression?  I’d like to better understand how to improve.”  The idea here is to help understand what it is that you do so that you can assess if it’s something you wish to or can change.

If you hear “you’re great”, know that this too isn’t feedback.  In this situation maybe you could say “thank you so much.  If you were to select one or two specific things you appreciated about my performance, what might those be?  I want to be sure to keep doing great work.”

If, on the other hand, your manager says, “you’ve missed several key deadlines this year and it’s negatively impacted all of us.”  This is direct feedback that describes where you fell short.  The manager should then describe what’s needed from you in the future.  If that’s not shared with you, ask about it so that you know what’s expected going forward.   It’s possible there’s some information that wasn’t shared with the manager that would change her opinion so share that if that’s the case.

Reflect

Reflect on the feedback you receive.  Talk to a trusted friend/colleague and ask them if the feedback has some merit. Is this the first time you’ve heard this kind of feedback?  Really take some time in this space; it will be time well spent and I promise it’ll sting a little less over time.

If you’re struggling to understand the feedback, go back to your manager and genuinely express what you’re trying to understand.  If you agree with the feedback, then talk to your manager about the ways you’ll modify your behavior and ask for help where it’s needed.  If you don’t agree then share why that’s the case using facts and data.

Yes, Feedback is a Gift

Even when we receive several positive pieces of feedback, we often decide to belabor the one piece of constructive feedback shared with us.  We walk away thinking that we’ve somehow failed leaving both you and your manager feeling awful.

With over forty years of experience, I can tell you that when people allow themselves to be vulnerable enough to you to tell you what you can work on to have greater impact, think of it as a gift.  Yes, it can hurt, but now you know what might be getting in the way of your success.  With knowledge comes the power to change.  As I look back on my career, I’m so grateful for people being honest about where I fell short because then I could do something about it.  That’s true for you too.

 

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Prepare to Discuss Performance

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It’s that time of year when people are anticipating performance discussions. These discussions are so important, yet people tend to dread them and fail to properly prepare for them as well.

Performance discussions should never be:

  • The first time you’ve spoken about performance all year
  • A surprise
  • Linked to a specific pay curve (don’t even get me started on this one)
  • Given by someone who doesn’t know you or your work
  • One-sided

Leaders:

If you are in a leadership role, you owe it to yourself and your people to talk to about performance throughout the year. Great leaders have an ongoing dialogue about performance with their people throughout the year because they see their role as leading the team every step of the way. There’s an ongoing dialogue about performance. There’s a trusting, respectful relationship. There’s a sense that you’re in it together and you’re sharing success and failure.

If, on the other hand, you’ve waited until year-end, then you’ve fallen short of being a great leader. There may be many reasons why you’ve not talked to them throughout the year about performance, but you aren’t leading and aren’t managing performance either.

Ask yourself where you’ve lost your way. Did you ensure that the employee’s objectives were clear and achievable at the beginning of the year? Did you check in with the employee to see how things were going? Did you avoid talking about poor performance because you thought it would improve on its own?  Do you feel a sense of ownership for helping the employee succeed? Is leading really for you?

Employees:

My advice to you is to prepare for all performance-related conversations. Don’t allow yourself to feel that your voice doesn’t matter. Prepare to talk about your key achievements. If you had specific metrics, talk about how you did against them. Describe ways that you went above and beyond the requirements of the job.  Be prepared to describe what you want to do next and how you can help the team and/or organization succeed.

If you fell short of expectations, you must express what happened and what you need to succeed going forward.

If your manager says something that simply isn’t true and/or isn’t supported by data, you should ask for clarification and then respond accordingly.

Quick Story:

Years ago, I worked for a guy who wanted his administrative assistant to take more interest in him personally. He wanted someone to handle his dry-cleaning and personal things like that.  I wasn’t hired to do that for him. In my annual review, he said that I (a) worked like a machine and (b) didn’t seem to have any interest in managing his personal affairs.

I listened to his commentary very carefully. I knew that I was doing the job I was hired to do, but obviously not the one he wanted me to do. With that in mind, I said something along the lines of “thank you for acknowledging that I work hard.  I was hired to oversee the sales data and resolve issues in the field.  My objectives are related to that work. Do you have any concerns with my production there? The answer was “no.”

By this point, I knew I didn’t want to work for him anymore, but it was important for me to steer him towards my performance against the actual objectives he helped create. Soon thereafter my previous manager hired me to work with him again and the guy who wanted me to oversee his personal affairs hired someone who was more willing to do that kind of work.

With the above in mind, I hope that your year-end conversations are thoughtful and geared towards enabling success and a sense of purpose no matter what your role is in the company.