Here are the two questions to consider when things aren’t going as well as you’d like:
What do I want?
When things aren’t going well in some aspect of your life and work, ask yourself “what do I want?” As an example, let’s assume that you don’t feel appreciated at work and you feel stuck. It helps to vent, but what do you really want?
When you ask yourself what you want, maybe your answer would sound like this: I want a chance to move up, but I don’t know what’s possible. If I can’t move up here, I’m going to find a job where I’m doing work that’s more challenging and I’m getting paid what I’m worth.
Once you know what you want, you can put a plan together to move forward. In this case, it would be helpful to discuss how you’re doing with your manager. Assuming your performance is good, ask your manager what it would take to gain more responsibility and/or compensation. Of course, once you know what you need to do, then it’s a matter of taking the necessary steps.
In situations where someone has hurt or negatively impacted you or you’ve hurt someone else, ask “what would make it right?”
I’m surprised that sometimes we focus so intently on the conflict itself that we don’t focus on resolving the conflict.
Once you can discuss what it’ll take to make something better, you can agree upon some steps that you can take to improve the situation.
I hope you’ll consider these questions. My book has tools to help you resolve conflict and to speak up for what’s important.
Once you know what you want, my hope is that you’ll make a plan and go for it – at your own pace and on your own terms. Be well.
