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March 2021

Ask and you shall receive 3.23

Ask and You May Just Receive

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We’ve all heard the saying “ask and you shall receive”.  I took a few minutes to investigate where this saying generated and learned that it’s from the Bible.  Depending on the version you read, the verse is from the Book of Matthew.  “Ask, and it shall be given you; seek and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened onto you.”

Let me tell you, this verse really applies at work.  If you never ask for what you want, how will you get it?  More times than not (I mean hundreds of times more) people aren’t thinking about what you want; they’re thinking about what they want.  That aside, they are usually open to hearing what you want if you help them understand how it will benefit the organization.

Countless times I’ve seen people make up a story for themselves about why their request will be denied.  Let’s say that you want to get some type of certification.  You look at the tuition reimbursement plan and you don’t see that it covers this type of certification.  Some people might just stop there and not bring it up with their manager and either pay for the certification themselves or they give up on the dream because it feels too far out of reach.  Others will go for it and get it paid for by the company.

Some of the most successful requests I’ve seen over the years are in the form of a well-constructed summary of how the certification will not only help the person but how it’ll help the organization.  Maybe part of the request is that they will sign an agreement to repay the cost of the certification if they leave the organization within a year or don’t continue to meet or exceed expectations at work.

Let’s say that you want to ask for a raise.  If so, be sure to understand the level of compensation you could get if you left the organization.  It’s always good to know what you’re worth no matter what, so doing the research is time well spent.  If you feel that you’re being paid at a level that is not acceptable to you, then you need to prepare your thoughts in advance of meeting with your manager.  Your comments might sound like this:

I am working hard to add value to you and the organization.  I’ve consistently met or exceeded performance expectations.  While I am grateful for all that I have experienced here, I am not paid at the level that reflects my experience and contribution.  My research shows that this role with my level of experience is paid (convey the $ amount).   I would really appreciate your considering paying me more in line with the market or helping me understand what I would need to do to reach that level of compensation.

As you can see, there’s no threat to leave the organization.  The commentary is simply stating the facts and your request.  I’m not saying that your manager will approve your request, but you’ll never know if you don’t ask.  Sometimes managers simply don’t know that they’re paying you less than you deserve.  And, of course, sometimes they do know this, but they don’t have the budget so they’re hoping you’ll not pressure them for more pay.

Again, you should do your homework, and if you want something speak up.  Years from now, you will never regret having asked for something if you know you did it professionally.  You will regret looking back and realizing that you never spoke up for the things that were important to you.

“Ask, and it shall be given you; seek and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened onto you.”

If it truly matters to you, GO FOR IT!  Good luck!

What if You Fly_ 3.16

What if You Fly?

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There is freedom waiting for you, on the breezes of the sky.  And you ask, “What if I fall?”  Oh, but my darling, “what if you fly?”  Erin Hanson

I love this quote because it reminds me to consider both failure AND success.  For some reason humans tend to squash their dreams because they want to do everything possible to avoid failing.  Do you have a dream that you’ve been holding onto, but you keep letting it go because you’re afraid you’ll fail?  Why does fear of failing carry more weight than taking steps toward your dream?

Fear is a real dream-killer isn’t it?  One day we’re energized about a dream and before you know it all our doubts start creeping into our thoughts.  Then our friends and family, while good-intentioned, also add to the list of the ways we can fail and before you know it the dream is a distant memory.

In my book I talk about fear.  One perspective about fear is that it is “Fantasized Experiences Appearing Real.”  And fear never sounds like fear in our minds; it can sound like prudence and we’ve been taught that it’s good to be prudent!  Anyway, do the below statements sound familiar to you?

  • “I found a great house” becomes “I can’t buy the new house because I’ll never sell this one.”
  • “I deserve to work for someone who appreciates me” becomes “it isn’t a good time to be job-hunting.”
  • “My job is no longer fulfilling” becomes “I’m not qualified to do anything else.”
  • “I can totally do that director position that I see posted” becomes “who am I to think I can get that job.”
  • “I’d love to work in the Marketing department” becomes “my boss will be mad if I apply for it.”

It’s good to be cautious, but not so cautious that you become paralyzed.  So, what can you do about it?  How about this?  Create a list of things you’d need to do to realize your dream. Break the steps down into small steps forward.

For example, let’s say that you know your job isn’t fulfilling but you’ve talked yourself out of looking for a new job because you don’t believe you’re qualified for anything else.  Make a list of your key skills.  Take a week to do it if that feels good for you.

Next, list the kinds of jobs that you feel you could do.  Take another week to put this together if that feels right.  Now look at some job postings to see if you have the skills or not.  If you have most of the skills, go ahead and apply for the job!  You don’t have to take it and interviewing is good practice.  Those steps alone will help you gain confidence and/or highlight any skill gaps you may have.  This is progress and a whole lot better than just giving in to “I’m not qualified to do anything else.”  If you have skill gaps, identify them and then take small steps towards overcoming them.

If you catch yourself giving up on your dreams because you’re afraid of failing, do yourself a favor and repeat Erin’s inspirational quote:  What if I fall?”  Oh, but my darling, “what if you fly?”

Never give up on your dreams my friend.  Big hug to you.

You are not lost 3921

YOU Are Not Lost

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I posted a video yesterday that includes a quote from Emily McDowell that I love so much that I included it in my book.  The basic message is that your true self is always with you, but with social conditioning, others’ opinions or the demands of daily life, we often lose sight of our authentic self.

I am a firm believer that the universe is always nudging us towards our purpose.  You might be wondering how these nudges show up, so I thought I’d share a few stories with you.

There was a time years ago that I felt completely drained.  I wasn’t trying to live up to my purpose; I was just trying to take care of my kids, do a good job at work and be a good wife.  I was so far down on my list of “things to do” that I didn’t even realize that I was lost.  Does this sound familiar?

Anyway, I was in my car and I started sobbing – I mean sobbing so hard that I could barely see the road.  I don’t remember if it was a song that came on the radio or what, but I suddenly realized with great clarity that my life had become so programmed that I had ceased to exist as a person.  I had become robot-like; I was very efficient but so very empty.  The emotion I felt in the car that day was intense.  I knew that I needed to make some importance changes.  That “nudge” changed me in a powerful way.

Nudges can also be positive.  Years ago, I received a voicemail out of the blue about a job that I had always dreamed about.  A woman I had never met was retiring and had heard nice things about me.  Her voicemail simply said, “it wouldn’t hurt to come and have coffee with me would it?”  I did and I got the job of my dreams.

There have been other ways that I’ve been nudged.  Do any of the following nudges sound familiar to you?

  • You feel tired before you even get out of bed.
  • You toss and turn at night.
  • You feel sad or angry.
  • Joyful days seem to be few and far between
  • You get an opportunity out of the blue and can’t figure out how it came your way.
  • Someone says something to you that reminds you to pursue your dreams.
  • You hear a song or read something that strikes a chord with you.
  • You feel disconnected from the people who mean the most to you.

Those nudges are reminders to stop and take stock of who you are and what matters most.  In my book I share that looking in a mirror, really taking in your reflection and allowing yourself to feel if you’re living your purpose can be a powerful step to take.

Friends, we all lose our way from time to time.  When we get better at listening to the nudges and getting back on track, fulfilling our purpose is not only possible it’s the only acceptable choice.

I hope that my book helps!