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February 2021

Every journey

Every Journey Starts With A Single Step

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My husband had a teacher named Monroe Morgan who used to say, “a journey of a thousand miles begins with one step”. I thought that Mr. Morgan’s words would be good to explore today, many many years after he said them to my husband in high school.
We all have hopes and ambitions. They might sound like “I’m going to finish school”, “I’m going to find a better job”, “I’m done working for someone else” or “I’m going to start my own business.” I love watching someone’s face when they talk about what they want to do and the joy that it will bring them.

As time passes and they talk about those dreams, sometimes the smile fades and they seem resigned to staying put. I’m going to call this the “why bother stage”. Those optimistic sentiments now sound like “it’ll take too long to finish school and it costs too much anyway”, “maybe I’ll hang in there for a few more years so I can save more”, or “most independent businesses don’t make it and I can’t take the risk.”
What happened? While everyone’s personal situations vary, one common occurrence is that we get overwhelmed and negativity and/or cynicism creeps into our thinking. Once that happens, it’s just a matter of time before the dream gets so diluted that it’s no longer important enough to bother with any longer.
In my book I talk about wanting to get a college degree. I was so excited about going to school, even though my only option was to go at night. The first class I took was easy and I loved being in a classroom again. But then I took a hard look at just how many credit hours I would need before that degree would be mine. I needed 138 more hours and if I took 3-6 hours per semester, well I might as well accept that I would be 100 before I’d graduate. When I had children, I added to that sentiment the fact that I had to leave my kids even more to go to class at night. The “why bother stage” felt pretty legit. It was then that I gave myself some advice that I am going to pass along to you.

Only you can decide whether your dream is worth pursuing. Stop thinking about how long it’ll take to achieve your dream and ask yourself one simple question: “Does it matter if I achieve this or not?” If the answer is “yes”, then tell yourself that it doesn’t matter how long it takes; it only matters that you get there. I was thirty-seven before I got that degree, and I was in my forties when I got my MBA. So what! If you have a dream and you feel that it’s worth it, don’t let anything stop you. Take a single step every day towards it and know that those single steps add up very quickly. One step a day is 365 steps in a year. Ask for help if you need it and keep going. And if you make a mistake along the way, for goodness sakes, don’t let that erase your dream! Learn from it, adjust your path and keep going. You will get there – maybe not as fast as you hoped, but you’ll get there and that’s really all that matters. Take the first step.

To learn more on how to take your first step get your copy of Authenticity Reawakened: The Path to OWNING Your Life’s Story and Fulfilling Your Purpose  

Blog 2-9-2021

Stand For Something or Fall For Anything

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I loved the quote that we used in Monday’s motivation this week:
“Stand for something or you will fall for anything. Today’s might oak is yesterday’s
nut that held its ground.” – Rosa Parks

As we celebrate Black History month, there are countless contributions to our world by our black brothers and sisters, but I decided to celebrate Rosa Parks today because she without a doubt held her ground.

When Ms. Parks boarded a bus after a day at work, I imagine her being tired and looking forward to just getting home. Her refusal to give up her bus seat in Montgomery, Alabama in 1955 set off a chain of events that included the Montgomery bus boycott. That boycott resulted in the integration of public transportation. She later said that she was simply tired of “giving in.” A lot of change can come about when we reach this point in our lives.

While our daily decisions usually don’t meet the magnitude of Rosa Parks’ decision, we do all have moments in our lives and work that call upon us to decide who we truly are and what matters most to us. I’ve learned that time and experience help us to gain the confidence to stand up for things that we believe in and in doing so, we create meaningful change for others.

When I was twenty-one, I had a manager who touched my shoulders or would put his face nauseatingly close to mine when talking to me. I was mortified, but I had no idea what to do or say. It was a long time ago and women back then tolerated a lot. Women today have more confidence, tools and support to handle situations like this. I didn’t stand my ground because I simply didn’t know how. Thanks to the women who have spoken up, other women learned how to speak up as well. I was able to help other women once I found my voice. And you can do the same.

In the book I describe having a colleague who repeatedly disparaged his colleagues behind their backs although he was always nice to their faces. After a promotion he became my manager. I was so troubled by this that I felt that I couldn’t live with myself if I didn’t say something to him. I told him that I knew who he was, knew how he disparaged his colleagues, and I wouldn’t be able to forget it. By this time in my career, I had found my voice and I was more aware of what was acceptable and what wasn’t. I believed in our company’s values but here was a person who consistently broke them and was promoted when he should have been disciplined. I felt strongly that I’d feel much worse not saying something than losing my job because I spoke up.

There are countless examples, but each of us has our own unique experiences. My point here is that the more you know yourself, the more you know what matters and what doesn’t. Once you know what matters most, you simply won’t be able to tolerate behaviors that go against what you stand for.

Some people decide to not say anything and just leave their jobs or situation. Others have the confidence to do both. Some might not do either because they need a job. I hope that if you’re in this situation that you find someone to discuss the situation with, find a way to address the issue (there are tools in my book) and take the best steps for you.
Those who came before us and stood their ground changed our lives for the better. We have the chance to do the same for others and for ourselves. Big change comes from seemingly small deeds.

Do you stand up for what you believe in? Does something get in your way? Let me know if I can help.

Blog post 2-1-21

Reba Knows What She’s Talking About

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I love the quote from Reba McIntyre that says “To succeed in life you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone and a funny bone”. I’m here to validate that what she says is true. Let’s explore each a little more fully.

A Wishbone
Often what we decide we will do in life starts with a wish. Some of my earliest wishes were that I would do well in school and be able to go to college. Those wishes stayed with me and while I could control doing those things, the timing wasn’t always something I could control. As you’ll read in my book, it took me a loooonnnng time to finish college. And guess what? It didn’t matter how long it took me; it only mattered that I finished.
Another thing that I’ve learned about wishes is that they usually only come true if you work at making them come true. It’s kind of cool to know that YOU are often in control of making your own darn wishes come true. Once you know that, it’s an empowering realization isn’t it?
Unfortunately wishes that are directed at other people’s behavior can only come true if they wish for the same thing. You can’t control other people’s wishes, no matter how hard you try. I’ve tried and it just doesn’t work.

A Backbone
There isn’t a person on the planet who doesn’t experience pain in one form or another. When it comes to work, there are a lot of times when you must stand up for yourself or for what’s right or you can’t live with yourself. Work and life require you to take a stand from time to time. When you know who you are and what you stand for (there are helpful tools in my book), you will not back down on the things that really matter. I share some instances in my book where I took a stand and was willing to lose my job over what I felt was unacceptable. Not everything requires a backbone, but some things do. I’ve never regretted standing up for what’s right.

A Funny Bone
Under normal circumstances, please find a way to laugh every day. Of course, if you’ve experienced a deep loss, it might not be possible, but when it is, LAUGH. I’ve been blessed to work with some very funny people. For some reason, I just love accountants and find their dry sense of humor very charming. Find the people who make you smile and laugh and enjoy those special moments whenever possible. Spend time with friends or watch movies that make you laugh. Once about twenty-five years ago I was going through a really challenging time in my life. The last thing I wanted to do was find humor, but I went to a comedy club and it really did feel good to laugh again.
And one last bit of advice: LEARN TO LAUGH AT YOURSELF. We all do things that fall short of expectations, but if you can find some humor in it and learn from it, you’ll be that much better off.
Reba is spot on with this quote. All three of these “bones” come in handy. Does this ring true for you? I’d love to hear from you below!